The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed (2010)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Krusty, Owl, Israeli Airline Man, Camel

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ned Flanders : Homer, our Bible study group is going to the Holy Land. I would like to invite you and your family to come as my guests.

  Homer Simpson : Let's see: go to a war zone with a busload of religious lame-os, in a country with no pork and a desert with no casinos. Where do I sign up?

  Marge Simpson : Homer, I can hear your sarcasm from inside the house, and the dishwasher is on. What's going on?

  Lisa Simpson : Mr. Flanders is inviting us to Israel. I think he's trying to get dad into Heaven.

  Bart Simpson : Great, more Hell for me.

• Ned Flanders : Homer, could you please turn off the camera?

  Homer Simpson : If you ask me like Dracula.

  Ned Flanders : Homer...

  Homer Simpson : Please, please, please?

  Ned Flanders : Blah!

  Homer Simpson : [shoots video]  That's going on StupidFlanders.org.

• Bart Simpson : [Reading prayers from the Wailing Wall]  Sad. Sad. Sad. Not gonna happen. Sad. Sad. Maybe if you're Brad Pitt.

  Homer Simpson : What are you doing, boy?

  Bart Simpson : Reading prayers and ignoring them, just like God.

• Homer Simpson : It's so cool here in the Tomb of the Unknown Savior.

  Ned Flanders : Unknown? He's the most famous person who ever lived!

  Homer Simpson : Porky Pig?

  Ned Flanders : Porky Pig isn't a person! He's a pig, and he's not even a real pig!

  Homer Simpson : But he is buried here, right?

• Homer Simpson : [Preaching at the Dome of the Rock]  I will unite the Christians, the Muslims and the Jews. From now on, you shall be known as Chrismujews!

  [Crowd murmurs disapprovingly] 

  Homer Simpson : Because in the end, aren't all religions the same? They tell us what to eat, when to pray, that this lump of clay called Man can somehow shape himself to resemble the divine. But we can never attain that perfect grace if we have hatred in our hearts.

  Ned Flanders : I did it. I finally reached him.

  Homer Simpson : So let us celebrate our commonalites. Some of us don't eat pork. Some of us don't eat shellfish. But we all eat chicken.

  Muslim : I roast it in a haline.

  'In a soup, you can boil it' : In a soup, you can boil it.

  Homer Simpson : So spread the word: peace and chicken!

  Crowd : Peace and chicken!

• Homer Simpson : [to Lawrence of Arabia theme]  Thirsty! / I am so thirsty! /And hungry and horny / But mostly just thirsty!

• Cucumber : You have been chosen, Homer.

  Homer Simpson : Chosen for what, oh mighty Gerkin?

• Marge Simpson : Homer, you're alive!

  Homer Simpson : More than alive, woman. I am the Chosen One. I shall unite all the faiths of the Holy Land! I am the Messiah!

  Marge Simpson : But you have all our passports, right?

  Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah. Gotta keep track of those. The Messiah!... has the passports.