Family Guy (TV Series)

Not All Dogs Go to Heaven (2009)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin

Quotes 

• Brian Griffin : Oh, my God, that was a close one.

  Lois Griffin : Brian, what happened?

  Brian Griffin : I'm a pariah, Lois. Ever since Meg told everyone I'm an atheist, I'm the most hated person in town. I tried to rent a movie and they threw me out. I tried to buy a pack of cigarettes and they threw me out. But the most serious part of it is, no bar would serve me a drink.

  Lois Griffin : Well, if you ask me, I think laying off the sauce could do you some good, Brian.

  Brian Griffin : Yeah, right. If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, I hope he finds faith of some kind.

  Peter Griffin : You know who doesn't have all these problems? Marmaduke. All he does is eat pies off the high counter. Next time around, we're gonna get ourselves a big tall pie-eating dog, Lois.

  Lois Griffin : Okay, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Or Howard Huge. Let's get Howard Huge. Great, we have a game plan.

• Peter Griffin : Meg, what the hell? I was watching that!

  Meg Griffin : It's time for Kirk Cameron. And I think it's important for all of you to hear his inspiring message about the Word of God.

  Lois Griffin : [groans]  Oh, again, Meg? You know, I think it's wonderful you found something to have faith in, but there's such a thing as moderation.

  Meg Griffin : Ugh, Mom! You sound like a nonbeliever! Brian, you're a thoughtful person-- are you willing to open yourself up to God's truth?

  Brian Griffin : Oh, you're barking up the wrong tree, Meg-- I'm an atheist.

  Peter Griffin : What's that?

  Brian Griffin : I... don't believe in God.

  Lois Griffin : What? Brian, how can you say that?

  Brian Griffin : Why, I just thought you knew. I mean, I never go to church-- you know how I feel about that.

  Lois Griffin : No, Brian, it's one thing to bash organized religion, but we believe in God in this house. I mean, an atheist? That's just about the worst thing a person can be.

  Chris Griffin : You're not gonna get anything for Christmas, Brian!

  Brian Griffin : Guys, I'm just trying to say...

  Peter Griffin : Shut up, beast! I have dominion over you, and I command you to believe in God!

  Brian Griffin : I'm sorry, I just don't see any evidence. I mean, look at the Hubble Telescope. It's discovered untold wonders of a vast, unexplored universe, but not one picture of a guy with a beard sitting around on a cloud. I mean, what's he doing up there?