It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

The Nightman Cometh (2008)

Charlie Day: Charlie Kelly

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dee Reynolds : Charlie, don't screw me like this. Come on.

  Charlie Kelly : Don't screw you? Oh, I'm sorry, Dee, let me try and remember something. Let's see, was it, did Dee write a musical and come to Charlie with it? No! Charlie wrote a musical and came to Dee with it, and the gang. And the gang likes to screw it up and make it about themselves, and take it away from Charlie, and ruin his hopes and dreams. So let me tell you something, Dee, let me break down a scenario for you. I could cut the song, okay, because I wrote it. I could have Artemis do the song, okay, because you did not write it. Or I could strap on a wig and I could do the song myself. So you tell me, Little Miss All That, what do you want to do? Song or no song?

• Charlie Kelly : Keep singing, bitch. You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm done with you!

• Charlie Kelly : Come one, come all, to a beautiful show! It's gonna be awesome and... some other stuff. Dee dee dee dee doo dee dee dee doo dee dee doo dee. Heh heh. Some other musical stuff!

• Mac : I've changed my mind, I'm playing the Nightman!

  Dennis Reynolds : Why would you wanna play the Nightman?

  Mac : The Nightman's badass, dude. He has the eyes of a cat and does karate across the stage.

  Charlie Kelly : Where are you getting that from? Karate?

  Mac : I made that up, man. It's gonna be great.

  Dennis Reynolds : This is great. That frees up the Lead Boy role and the Dayman role. I can play both those.

  Charlie Kelly : No, I don't want you guys switching roles. That's not how it works.

  Mac : Hey Frank, you got a guy that does cat eyes?

  Frank Reynolds : [on phone]  I'm already on it.

• Charlie Kelly : She also transcribed my work into a format you might consider a little bit more legible.

  Dee Reynolds : Or literate. She added words to it.

• Mac : You want me to cross the stage?

  Charlie Kelly : Yes.

  Mac : [starts doing karate]  All right. This is a great opportunity to showcase some skills and, like, just put on a clinic.

  Charlie Kelly : I would rather you didn't.

• Dee Reynolds : Real quickly, okay, just a couple of things. I can't really move my arms in this thing so I think I need to rip the pit.

  Charlie Kelly : It is a rental. Do not rip that costume, okay? It's very expensive.

  Dee Reynolds : All right, fine, but one other thing. I wrote a song, I'm gonna throw it in.

  Charlie Kelly : I swear to God, you cannot add a song.

  Dee Reynolds : It's gonna happen.

  Charlie Kelly : I will smack your face off of your face!

• Dennis Reynolds : Charlie, I got a question for you. Who's playing this Lead Boy?

  Charlie Kelly : That's gonna be Mac.

  Mac : What? Oh, yeah! Lead, of course.

  Dennis Reynolds : Who's playing the Dayman?

  Charlie Kelly : Well, the Lead Boy becomes the Dayman when he defeats the Nightman, so it's also Mac.

  Mac : Two parts? Oh, yeah!

• Charlie Kelly : I feel like you're saying "boy's hole" and it's clearly "soul".