Marina Monster (2008 Video) User Reviews

my god the horror, the horror

[movieman_kev · 1/10 · 26 December 2008]

After a simply awful monologue about the ferocity of bull sharks and an equally putrid shark attack, we're 'treated' to about 2 and a half minute of nothing but footage of sailboats (seriously I timed it with my mouth hanging open, dumbfounded with each passing minute, not to be out done the ending 4 minutes are nothing but a view of the ocean, but I digress). The movie is about the aforementioned bull shark (oh and when we do see this thing, it appears to be a rubber toy shark of the 2 dollar variety) attacking various people at a marina where a sailing race is going to be held. Billed as a comedy, this doesn't even work well as that. There's a reason that I seem to be the first (hopefully only) person to comment on this film on this site, it's atrocious and I wouldn't wish it to be watched even by my worst enemy. It's also one of the few films that I'm very thankful that the actresses kept their clothes on throughout.

My Grade: F-

I gave it a '1'.....'nuff said

[insectt · 1/10 · 23 February 2009]

I don't think I ever suffered through a movie as I did this one. There is one movie that comes close but this film takes number one because a) the same 'scene' was revisited throughout the entire movie -just using different actors for each different 'scene' b) that professor guy was not necessary. Maybe his random narration was inserted to get a longer running time on the film? (probably because they ran out of actors to 'push' into the water) c) rehashing of frumpy sexual innuendos and overtures were used throughout the movie with poor delivery, over saturation and a mostly non-'hot' cast.

I feel the largest asset to the production was the location use of marinas. However, the use of not-professional-actor friends and/or family, using the same 'type of scenes' and dialogue throughout the entire movie (I liken this to creating an original 'family portrait' using Photoshop. Then creating MORE of this 'family portrait' by simply cutting and pasting different people's heads on the same bodies with the same background....) I would like to add I didn't mind the crappy toy shark. I get that this is supposed to be a comedy.

So, I give it a .05 for the crappy toy shark and a .95 for the use of the marina and boats.

This totals '1' which still equals 'crappy'.

This Shark Movie Bites!

[DJBerean · 1/10 · 12 June 2009]

Christine Whitlock's 2007 "Marina Monster" is possibly the worst shark movie of all time! (Apparently the sequel to her 2006 "Sharp Teeth," which wasn't about sharks, but mutated carp. Ill-tempered, mutated carp.) This movie's about a male bull shark. Why? Male bull sharks reach maturity around 6.3 feet. This one, which was an obvious toy or other such facsimile, barely looked 6 feet long. And yet, it devoured 2, 3, even 4 people at a time! Even the 25-foot Great White Shark from JAWS never ate four people at a time. Every time people stood on a dock about 2-3 feet above the water, if one person fell in, they all fell in! Every time! And then, in a matter of seconds, the shark (or its fin, if even that) would appear; and eat everyone who fell in. Also, every time Earl Molar saw his dad, he'd say, "Father. I mean Admiral Molar." Yes, his dad told him not to call him father or dad, but they had the same exchange every time. Every time! A running gag gets repeated about three times. This must have been said over a dozen times. Does that make it a marathon gag? But the weirdest thing of all is after the shark attacked, the film cut to a character who never interacted with anyone else in the story, but always said something inane like "He sure can eat a lot." I could be wrong. Perhaps the weirdest part was the shark talking near the end. Lastly, the shark gets destroyed an hour into the movie. Since this is only a 72 minute movie; that means the monster got killed 5/6 of the way into the story. I didn't think anything could be worse than a shark movie with space aliens ("Raging Sharks"), but I think this one wins the booby prize. I can handle watching a low-budget film with a lack of special effects, but I can't abide the lack of a story! Fortunately, I watched it for free, so it didn't cost me anything, except time and sanity.

Wince inducing pile of honking mess.

[taffwob · 1/10 · 29 May 2013]

Where do you begin with this movie? I watched it with my teenage son as we wanted to watch something really cheesy that we could have a giggle at. We chose well. It began with a presentation given about sharks by a man who probably has numerous bodies buried in his basement followed by the most lackluster opening credits ever. The film then really kicks off by interspersing some low brow innuendo, a running "joke" that will actually make you angry after a while & possibly the most unappealing women ever to appear in a storyline that alludes to their overt sexiness. Plot wise their is something about a boat race, a drug dealer who takes payment with monopoly money, a talking (yes, talking!)shark that can eat the population of a small town plus the constant & increasingly banal filler from the shark expert/psychopath. Everything about this films 71 minutes is irritating & repetitive. How many times can you film the same scene i.e. people "falling" into the water, I don't know for sure because I gave up trying to keep count. I managed to make it to the end to witness the jaw dropping blue screen showdown with the shark but it was a long haul. On it's plus side the lead role played by Trevor Crane seemed to show a modicum of . . . . I won't say talent but he gave the impression that he'd done this before. The rest of the cast are beyond bad, the script & delivery are worse than a low budget porn movie, but as another reviewer pointed out, gladly they keep there clothes on. Some of the attempts at being sexually provocative are toe curling. It seems to be badly out of focus most of the time though this may have been my brain cells dissolving. Watch it only as an example of bad film making & no other reason.

"Paint Drying Part II" was way more exciting

[Scaarge · 1/10 · 9 January 2010]

This is completely terrible on every level. A bunch of, well, really unattractive people want to have sex with each other constantly. There's a boat race to be held, and every now and then some "shark expert" talks to us, but he tells us nothing at all. There are fart sounds and lots of what are apparently supposed to be clever double entendres in the dialog. None of them are clever, though.

Oh, and every now and then, people throw themselves into the water so that a cheap plastic shark can eat them. At least, we see people thrashing in the water, there's dramatic sting music on the soundtrack, and (now and then) we see a cheap plastic shark from the back. I think that's all the evidence we need! The thing is, no one at all misses these victims except for some lady reporter from "The Rag" newspaper (ha ha ha ha ha). Also, the shark has some kind of hypnotic mind-control (or sonic) powers that make everyone on a given wharf throw themselves into the water so that there are more victims. Still, no one cares about anyone who has gone missing thanks to this plastic shark. Life is cheap! The acting, photography, music, dialog, etc, are all so terrible that "Ha ha ha, we were just kidding!" is the only excuse that the film-makers had left to them. Alas for them, it's not "so bad it's good," it's "so bad that anyone paying money to see this thing would become a serial killer, and no jury would ever convict them" kind of film.

Well, all right, some of the "sailboats milling about the water" footage is okay. I wasn't delighted, though.

Contains no entertainment whatsoever. The film-makers should really be ashamed of themselves.

Pure crap.....

[donald-beck · 3 May 2013]

Oh My God, what a horrid excuse for a bad movie. In a nutshell, imagine, if you will, a bunch of out-of-shape, outdated porn stars. Take them and put them in a marina setting. That's what you get. No acting abilities whatsoever, and the cleavage shots are horrendous. I've only endured 40 minutes of this train wreck, and that's only because I watched it in 5 minute segments. I wanted to see how bad it really was, and I'm sorry I did. people standing of a pier, pushing each other in the water. you see a PLASTIC INFLATABLE shark FLOATING in the water, drifting towards the "victims". cant see any attacks. just people saying "hey, something bit my leg!", and going under. 3-4 people at a time, no less! how one plastic shark can swallow that many people at once is beyond me...the director/producer/writer should either be shot or have her directors license taken away! I dare anyone to watch this steaming pile of excrement....

Worst Ever

[mattstratemeyer · 1/10 · 20 April 2009]

My god... Is this movie serious???? I have seen better by 4th graders... No seriously I have. They seemed to use some sort of camera phone or something to film. The shark looks to be some sort of rubber toy. Really I feel sorry for anyone that even was able to make it through the first 5 minutes of this, for lack of a better term, film. It was so horrible that we could not even take it as a joke. We tried to just laugh through it but that only lasted about 12-13 minutes. This film was impressively horrendous. The fact that Netflix even had this movie as a choice to watch instantly amazes me. Again I'm sorry for anyone that even made it far enough to have to read this review.

Matt

see summary on main page

[kathihwriter · 1/10 · 23 November 2013]

This is a one for movie value, but a SEVEN! for comedy. Therefore I should give it a 2! Although the humor is mostly unintended. Campy? Not smart enough, nor clever enough... But in its awfulness it is hilarious! Watch it for free on Amazon. The action centers around a boat race. The shark is in a freshwater lagoon or lake and was introduced by accident. Watch for some actors ( used loosely) playing several roles and use of way out wigs and hats to hide their identity. The twisted plot revolves around competing yacht clubs and some pretty hyper-sexed boaters. Be warned that many people are eaten by the shark. I counted thirty and that might be low, however, this is not a blood and guts film. The camera persons concentrated on bosoms and buttocks. this is not a film for children. This was fun for a cold Saturday afternoon.

Terrible, terrible movie.. Stupid director Christine Whitlock.. Worst movie ever made !

[seckinlergafri · 1/10 · 31 July 2017]

Marina monster (2008) is a comedy horror movie about shark attack .. This movie is so bad, silly, weird and disgusting, we will be taken to watch this 72 minute movie, filled with foolishness and ignorance, character characters in this movie So lousy, the CGI effects are so horrible. The acting is so bad .. Marina monster one of the worst movies of all time .. Do not watch and waste your time to watch cheap and disgusting movies like garbage ....

Simply awful

[usgator · 1/10 · 11 September 2014]

I am not sure if I am able to review this movie since I could only stand to watch about 10 minutes of it. Then again, maybe that makes me even more qualified to comment on this waste.

Without a doubt the worse "fish that eat people" movie. People literally fall, or are pushed, into the water and a fish (not sure what kind since I didn't stick around long enough to identify) appears instantly and eats them all, at the same time! You don't actually see anyone get eaten they just disappear under water.

Seriously, avoid this one, there are no redeeming values at all in it. Terrible on all levels.

Two Low-Budget Shockers

[Michael_Elliott · 29 October 2010]

Sharp Teeth (2006) Marina Monster (2008)

BOMB (out of 4)

There's no question that these two movies are downright horrid on all levels but at the same time you have to tip your hat to anyone who is able to get a movie made. SHARP TEETH and it's semi-follow up MARINA MONSTER are both direct-to-video and it's doubtful many people will have heard of them.

SHARP TEETH begins as some sort of toxic gets into a lake where of course the little fishies eat it causing them to grow into big fishies and then eat humans. MARINA MONSTER has a brief introduction telling us that angry sharks are growing tired of the ocean so they are now traveling into fresh waters where they're getting very hungry and willing to eat anything. In our film it's a bull shark that finds its way into a lake.

There's really not too much to either one of these films and when you discuss one you could pretty much be killing two birds with one stone. Both films were shot on an obviously low budget and it appears most of the actors were probably just friends or people wanting to say they were involved with a film. Needless to say the performances in both films are pretty bad and none of them are even remotely good. The biggest problem with both films is that there's a very strange sense of humor going on. At first I wasn't sure if the director was just spoofing low-budget movies but the added sound effects just became too annoying and they were never funny. SHARP TEETH has the annoying habit of getting close ups of women's breasts (in their clothing of course) and this isn't sexy and in fact it's the one time where I didn't want to see any more. The violence in both films is pretty much off camera as we never really get to see anything but this is expected due to the budget. I must admit that I enjoyed MARINA MONSTER a tad bit more because of the shark they use in the water. The thing is obviously fake but what's funny is that the thing couldn't be any more than a foot in length.