The Simpsons (TV Series)

The PTA Disbands (1995)

Dan Castellaneta: Surrendering Man #2, Outraged Soldier, Homer Simpson, Man Watching Chess Game, Chess Player #3, Bank Manager, Man in Audience, Parent Who Jumps Out Window, Leopold, Grampa Simpson

Quotes 

• Marge : I'm worried about the kids, Homie. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.

  Homer : I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster.

  Marge : And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.

  [Looks out window] 

  Bart : [creepily]  Hello, mother dear.

  Marge : That's it, we have to get them back to school.

  Homer : I'm with you, Marge. Lisa, get in here.

  [Lisa walks in, smiling vacantly] 

  Homer : In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!

• Homer : Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half-assed - that's the American way.

• Lisa : Relax? I can't relax. Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God! I'm losing my perspicacity. Aaaaah!

  Homer : Well, it's always in the last place you look.

• Homer : How was everyone's day at school?

  Bart : Horrible.

  Lisa : Pointless.

  Marge : Exhausting. It took the class 40 minutes to locate Canada on a map.

  Homer : Oh, honey, anyone could miss Canada. All tucked way down there.

• Lisa : I'll never get into the ivy league now. At this rate, I probably won't even get into Vassar.

  Homer : I've had just about enough of your Vassar-bashing, young lady!

• Outraged Soldier : [Actor notices the class peaking over the fence]  Hey, they're trying to learn for free!

  Crowd : Get them!

• [the School Bus needs to be filled with gas] 

  Principal Skinner : [Speaking to Otto]  Otto, we need you to fill up the bus. Here's the *credit card*.

  [Presents him with a hose] 

  Otto : Ohh.

  Principal Skinner : And a mint for afterwards.

  [Later, when the class is running from the Civil Act Actors] 

  Principal Skinner : Start the bus Otto! Start the bus!

  [Otto is sucking oil from the petrol tank of another bus. He spits it out] 

  Otto : Damn, I shouldn't have eaten the mint first.

• Leopold : [menacing and enraged]  Alright, you listen up, you little FREAKS. The fun stops here. You're gonna SHUT your stinkin' traps and behave, DAMMIT! This is one substitute you're not gonna SCREW WITH!

  [kids gulp nervously; Leopold suddenly turns polite] 

  Leopold : Marge Simpson!

  [Bart gulps nervously] 

• Homer : When you don't like your job, you don't go on strike, you do your job half-assed. That's the American way.

• [Bart is at a bank where Superintendent Chalmers is a customer] 

  Bart : [chuckles; altering his voice]  "Whaddya mean, the bank is out of money?"! "Insolvent?"! "You only have enough cash for the next three customers?"!

  [the customers get angry and bang on the tellers' windows for an explanation] 

  Bank Manager : [ala Jimmy Stewart]  N-now-now, just wait just a second here! No, no... I don't have your money here! It's at Bill's house, and-and-and Fred's house!

  Moe Szyslak : Hey, what the hell you doing with my money in your house, Fred?

  [the customers get into a fight amongst each other. Bart walks away, laughing]