Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half-assed - that's the American way.
[in the school cafeteria]
Mrs. Krabappel: Seymour, you have to think of the children's future.
Seymour: Oh, Edna. We all know that these children HAVE no future.
[everyone stops and stares at Seymour]
Seymour: Prove me wrong, children. Prove me wrong.
Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homie. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster.
Marge: And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
[Looks out window]
Bart: [creepily] Hello, mother dear.
Marge: That's it, we have to get them back to school.
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa, get in here.
[Lisa walks in]
Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
Bart: Uh, I think I got your lunch.
[He hands Lisa a note from his lunch bag: "I Am Very Proud Of You. Love, Mom."]
Lisa: Oh yeah, I didn't think this was for me.
[She hands Bart a note from her lunch bag: "Be Good. For The Love Of God, *Please* Be Good."]
Lisa: Relax? I can't relax. Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God! I'm losing my perspicacity. Aaaaah!
Homer: Well, it's always in the last place you look.
Lisa: I'll never get into the ivy league now. At this rate, I probably won't even get into Vassar.
Homer: I've had just about enough of your Vassar-bashing, young lady!
Bart: Yeah Seymour said you'd fold faster than superman on laundry day.
Homer: How was everyone's day at school?
Marge: Exhausting. It took the class 40 minutes to locate Canada on a map.
Homer: Oh, honey, anyone could miss Canada. All tucked way down there.
Outraged Soldier: [Actor notices the class peaking over the fence] Hey, they're trying to learn for free!
Crowd: Get them!
Homer: When you don't like your job, you don't go on strike, you do your job half-assed. That's the American way.
[the School Bus needs to be filled with gas]
Principal Skinner: [Speaking to Otto] Otto, we need you to fill up the bus. Here's the *credit card*.
[Presents him with a hose]
Principal Skinner: And a mint for afterwards.
[Later, when the class is running from the Civil Act Actors]
Principal Skinner: Start the bus Otto! Start the bus!
[Otto is sucking oil from the petrol tank of another bus. He spits it out]
Otto: Damn, I shouldn't have eaten the mint first.
Mrs. Krabappel: Seymour, the children are playing in the hole again.
Ned Flanders: Well, I guess this is a case where we'll have to agree to disagree.
Principal Skinner: I don't agree to that.
Mrs. Krabappel: Neither do I.
Jasper: Talking out of turn, that's a paddlin'
Jasper: Lookin' out the window, that's a paddlin'
Jasper: Starin' at my sandals-that's a paddlin'
Jasper: Paddlin' the school canoe-Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'!
Moe Szyslak: [subbing for Mrs. Krabappel] Okay, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". No, say "present". Anita Bath?
[the class laughs]
Moe Szyslak: All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
[the class laughs again]
Moe Szyslak: All right, fine. Fine, uh... Maya Buttreeks.
[the class laughs]
Moe Szyslak: Hey, hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh... Oh, I get it. I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that!
[Moe runs out of the room sobbing]