The Simpsons (TV Series)

Pygmoelian (2000)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Ben Franklin, Michael Finn, Barney, GOP #2, Casting Director, Arthur

Photos 

Quotes 

• Moe : Aw, c'mon, look at me. I'm a gargoyle. What with the cauliflower ear, there, and the lizard lips...

  Carl : Little rat eyes...

  Homer : Caveman brow...

  Lenny : Don't forget that fish snout.

  Moe : Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at.

  Lenny : Or listen to.

  Carl : Or be with.

• Moe : Yeah, hey, I've got a gift. As a child, I was bitten by the acting bug. Then it burrowed under my skin and laid eggs in my heart. Now those eggs are hatching and I... the feeling is indescribable.

  Homer : I know what you mean. Our dog had that.

• Homer : Moe, the new Duff calendars are out! The ones with your picture.

  Moe : Oh, boy! Move over liquor license.

  [takes the license of the wall] 

  Lenny : [examining the license]  Hey, Moe, this license expired in 1973, and it's only good in Rhode Island... and it's signed by you!

  Moe : Yeah, yeah. I've been meaning to get that updated, uh, for this state and... real.

• Moe : Homer, did you hear that? She called me handsome. Me! It's like I've gone to Heaven.

  [worried] 

  Moe : Wait a minute. I died on the operating table, didn't I?

  Homer : Heh, heh, heh, heh. Yeah, bu just for a minute. It's a funny story. I'll tell you sometime.

• Helen Morehouse : What were you thinking?

  Casting Director : Well, you said you wanted gritty. In other word... ugly.

  Helen Morehouse : I wanted Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" ugly, not Cornelius on "The Planet of Apes" ugly. TV ugly, not... ugly ugly.

• Moe : I didn't bring you back to life so you could make a fool of me at the club!

  Homer : [reading from a script]  You don't love me! The only thing you love is your ear, nose, and throat pavilion.

  Moe : I've dedicated my life to diseases of the head holes, but the one hole I've never been able to fix is the one in my soul.

  Homer : That was amazing, Moe. I'm actually a little turned on.

• Moe : And what do you have to tell us O Angel of the Future?

  Homer : [dressed as an angel]  You're going to die in a sky-diving accident.

  Moe : How tragic! Tell me more.

  Homer : Gabriella's baby shower will be invaded by terrorists... with sexy results.

  Moe : Ooh! That's unexpected. What else?

  Homer : Well, Sister Bernadette will leave the convent and start a softball team... with sexy results.

• Homer : Well, it's time to get some closure.

  [vengefully] 

  Homer : *Extreme* closure.

• [first lines] 

  Homer : Good work, everyone. We're sure to be first in line for "Duff Days."

• Casting Director : What the fudge?