The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Cartridge Family (1997)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson

Quotes 

• Bart Simpson : [after he finds Homer's gun and tries to shoot an apple off Milhouse's head]  And the next marksman is: William Tell, Jr.!

  Milhouse Van Houten : Jinx!

  Marge : [when she comes home; gasps]  Bart!

  Homer : Oh, I see Bart gets to have a gun.

  Marge : You lied to me! You promised to get rid of this gun.

  Homer : I put it in a safe place, Marge! I mean, what are the odds the boy would look in the vegetable crisper?

  Marge : How could you? Of all the terrible things you've ever done in your life, this is the worst, the most despicable!

  Homer : But, Marge, I swear to you, I never thought you'd find out!

  Marge : Mmm... until you decide what's more important, your gun, or your family, we can't live in the same house. Come on, kids.

  [takes the kids and leaves] 

  Homer : So this is the thanks I get for protecting my family? Then go. I'll be just fine.

  [door slams; Homer turns to Milhouse] 

  Homer : Do you know how to cook dinner?

  Milhouse Van Houten : [excitedly]  Do I?

  [starts looking through a cabinet, rummaging through pots and pans] 

• Marge : [as the Simpsons eat from everything but the dinner plates which Bart and Homer shot at earlier]  Does anyone know where all my dinner plates went?

  Bart Simpson : Um...

  Homer : Um, you probably left them at work. On another topic, guess who was picked to host the next NRA meeting!

  [points gun to himself] 

  Marge : Homer, I told you this morning, no guns at the dinner table.

  Homer : You said the breakfast table.

  Marge : It's the same table!

  Homer : Listen, if it'll make you feel any better, I'll put the safety on.

  [attempts to put the safety on, but accidentally fires the gun. We see the bullet just nick Marge's shoulder in a picture of her hanging on a bulletin board] 

  Homer : Oh... I guess the safety was on.

  [He tries again, but again accidentally fires it, this time hitting the same picture of Marge square in the chest] 

  Homer : I'd better just put it down.

  [sets the gun on the table. While it rests there, the gun fires itself, and the bullet ricochets off a pot, hitting a knife sitting in a brick of cheese. The knife sails through the air, and stabs the same picture of Marge right between the eyes] 

  Lisa : No offence, Mom, but that was pretty cool.

• Bart Simpson : Hey, is that a camera in the ceiling?

  Camera : No. Go back to sleep.