Life on Mars (TV Series)

Episode #1.5 (2006)

Philip Glenister: Gene Hunt

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sam Tyler : If it was to do with football, he'd have serious injuries.

  Gene : He's dead. That's quite serious.

• Sam Tyler : I want to talk to his family, his friends, and his workmates. I want to find out if there was another motive.

  Gene : You do that, Sherlock, and if that doesn't work, try the butler.

• Gene : [pours something into a pint]  Time to liven things up a bit. It's hard to keep your stories straight when you're pissed, you ask my missus.

  Sam Tyler : I'm not sure that's ethical.

  Gene : It's not, it's vodka.

• Pete Bond : What's this?

  Sam Tyler : It's chicken in a basket.

  Man : Where's me plate?

  Sam Tyler : You don't need a plate. It's in a basket.

  Gene : Word.

  [He takes Sam further down the bar] 

  Gene : Chicken... in a basket?

  Sam Tyler : You told me to use my initiative.

  Gene : Right, let's see how good you really are.

  [hands him a piece of paper] 

  Gene : Two oxtail soups.

  [Sam looks at the paper, then takes Gene's tea-towel and wipes the food list off the board before throwing the towel at him] 

  Sam Tyler : Food's off.

• Gene : There will never be a woman prime minister as long as I have a hole in my arse.

• Gene : Oi! Referee! Has anyone ever told you you need glasses, you dozy git? Next time, I run you over!

• Ray Carling : I think it was a heart attack.

  Gene : Then it must've exploded out of his arse, there's blood all down his back.

• Gene : Juries love all that. Makes 'em feel like Columbo.

• Sam Tyler : A woman, at number 32, 50 yards from the murder scene, heard a man's voice. She thinks he was shouting "Carl".

  Gene : So?

  Sam Tyler : What if it wasn't Carl? What if it was Col?

  Gene : What if me uncle had tits, would he be me auntie?

• Gene : Doesn't take much working out, even for you lot. Right, let's start by bringing in all known football hooligans, get their names and addresses, find out where they were last night.

  [Ray sneezes loudly] 

  Gene : Get Ray to breathe on 'em.

• Gene : So, what do you want?

  Sam Tyler : Olive oil would be nice, bit of coriander...

  [Gene looks puzzled] 

  Sam Tyler : It's a herb.

  Gene : Well, this is Trafford Park. You've got more chance of finding an ostrich with a plum up its arse.

• [as Sam and Gene are watching football fans walking past, they notice DS Ray Carling is among them] 

  Sam Tyler : Hang on, I thought he had flu.

  Gene : Sergeant!

  [Ray starts running] 

  Gene : Come back here, you skiving little git!

• [Gene and Sam need to get a pub landlord out of the way so that they can go undercover] 

  Gene : Ray! Go and arrest the landlord of the Trafford Arms

  Ray Carling : What for?

  Gene : Think of something on the way.

  [later] 

  Gene : In a bizarre twist of fate the landlord was arrested this afternoon... on suspicion of Cattle Rustling.

  [Ray takes a bow and receives a round of applause] 

• Sam Tyler : I thought you were pissed.

  Gene : Yeah, well think again. Coz I could drink every one of those toe rags under the table and still stop off for a pint on me way home. Are we done here?

  Sam Tyler : Yeah.

  Gene : Good. Coz if I want a bollocking for drinking too much, I'll call the wife thank you very much.

• Gene : [in explanation after hitting a man]  He didn't pay his tab.

• Gene : [in the back of the van, to other officers]  Right, tool up.

  [all bring out bats, hammers etc except Sam] 

  Gene : Have you got anything? Good luck then.