The Twilight Zone (TV Series)

Of Late I Think of Cliffordville (1963)

Albert Salmi: Feathersmith

Photos 

Quotes 

• Feathersmith : There's enough oil on that land to fill a thousand barrels every year for the next eight decades, and you sold it to me for *$1 an acre!* I swear, I could almost feel sorry for you...! How's that for a shocker?

  Deidrich : At the time, it made *us* jump around a bit also.

  Feathersmith : *At the time?*

  Deidrich : Four years ago, when the first preliminary soil tests were made, and we were told about the oil.

  Feathersmith : FOUR YEARS AGO?

  Deidrich : Indeed, there were samples taken of the soil at that time also. And there was never any doubt that the land had oil under it. Six thousand feet under it, Mr. Feathersmith, which means that it might just as well be on the moon.

  Feathersmith : On the moon?

  Gibbons : [quoting our antihero]  Mr. Feathersmith, is there an echo in this room, or would it help if we hired an interpreter?

  Deidrich : The oil simply can't be taken out of the ground, Mr. Feathersmith.

  Feathersmith : What do you mean, it can't be taken out? You could drill down five miles, if you needed to!

  Deidrich : Well, if YOU could, Mr. Feathersmith...

  [laughs] 

  Deidrich : ... Then I'm most happy for you indeed. Because nobody else that we know of could. And, just to be a good sport about it, I suggest you start by inventing some new kind of a drill. You'll need it - to say nothing of MANPOWER... Problem, Mr. Feathersmith?

  Feathersmith : Something I ate, I think.

  Deidrich : Something you ate... Like CROW, Mr. Feathersmith?

  [laughs harder] 

• Feathersmith : ...It's odd how our lives seem to criss-cross, isn't it? I remember vividly one afternoon, when you called me into your office. You said, "Bill Feathersmith. I like your style, boy. I want you in with me." You remember that afternoon, don't you, Mr. Deidrich?

  Deidrich : Only too well, Mr. Feathersmith. I have pondered it, and cursed myself for it, greatly ever since.

  Feathersmith : You never did like me, did you?

  Deidrich : I wouldn't say that I never liked you, Mr. Feathersmith. I have disliked you, even detested you, with cordiality tempered with passion. I have found you to be - from the moment you came into my office, increasingly over the years, even by the cutthroat standards of our mutual trade - a predatory, grasping, conniving, acquisitive animal of a man... Without heart, without conscience, without compassion, and without even a subtle hint of the common decencies. Shall we go on from there?

• Feathersmith : Now, as to the price.

  Miss Devlin : Yes, Mr. Feathersmith, as to price.

  Feathersmith : Well, I suppose the standard payment is, um, well, I guess you'd call it the soul.

  Miss Devlin : On occasion, Mr. Feathersmith that is part of the transaction. But in your case, we got a hold of your soul some time ago, I believe.

• Feathersmith : You... you don't have another daughter?

  Gibbons : That delightful little thing is my one and only. Sings beautifully, doesn't she?

  Feathersmith : Oh, yes, like a bird.

  [under his breath] 

  Feathersmith : Like a ruptured rooster.

• Feathersmith : Getting it. That was the kick. Getting it, not having it.

• William Feathersmith : [Over the hilarious montage tracing his efforts to "invent" the self-starter, and other modern conveniences, well before their time; he succeeds only in making a laughingstock of himself]  ... I wanna talk to you about something that'll turn your two-bit tool-shed into a factory... What do you mean, enlarge on it? It's a gizmo you press with your foot that starts an engine with an electric motor... What is it used for? It's used to make twelve hundred jillion smackers, that's what it's used for... Listen, are you all there? It's a storage battery; it's a motor; it's a doohickey that starts the motor! I've given you the principle, now all you have to do is build it... Look, I am not a crummy draftsman or a cheap blueprint boy; I am a promoter, a financier. I'm gonna give you the backing; I've already given you the principle; now all you have to do is *build it*... There's everything under the sun, and you sit around fixing tricycle pedals! All it takes is a little imagination, a little drive, a little brains... *You foggy-headed carriage-builders, we could make ourselves eleventy-zillion dollars!*

• Miss Devlin : No, Mr. Feathersmith, I'm afraid your soul is not yours to negotiate.

  Feathersmith : Then what do you charge?

  Miss Devlin : Cash.

• Deidrich : You seem to put all your eggs in one basket, Mr. Feathersmith.

  Feathersmith : I wouldn't let that concern you, Mr. Deidrich. You see, I have an exclusive contract with the hen.