Three's Company (TV Series)

Jack's Uncle (1977)

Audra Lindley: Helen Roper

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Chrissy Snow : [hurts herself doing needlework]  Ow!

  Janet Wood : [comes from kitchen, apple in hand]  Chrissie...!

  Chrissy Snow : Yeah?

  Janet Wood : When you eat something, on what side do you chew on?

  Chrissy Snow : [puzzled]  The side that's nearest to me.

  Janet Wood : [sits down next to Chrissy]  You see, I was at the dentist, and he said that everybody chews on one side of the mouth more than the other.

  [hands over apple] 

  Janet Wood : So, take a bite.

  Chrissy Snow : Okay.

  [takes apple, and Janet stares] 

  Chrissy Snow : Don't look at me.

  Janet Wood : Huh?

  Chrissy Snow : Well, I can't chew when you're looking at me. I feel really self-conscious.

  [Janet turns around and Chrissy takes her time chewing] 

  Chrissy Snow : I chew straight up and down in the middle.

  Janet Wood : Chrissy, that's ridiculous. Only rabbits chew in the middle. Take another bite!

  Chrissy Snow : [gets stared at again]  Don't look at me!

  Janet Wood : I'm not looking, I'm observing!

  Chrissy Snow : [still chewing]  Well, I'll observe myself in the mirror.

  [goes off to bathroom] 

  Janet Wood : [mimics]  "I'll observe myself in the mirror!"

  [folds arms impatiently at door] 

  Janet Wood : Well?

  Chrissy Snow : [from bathroom]  I chew on the left.

  [doorbell rings] 

  Janet Wood : [doorbell rings]  Mm?

  Chrissy Snow : [comes out of bathroom]  That's terrible!

  Janet Wood : [as she goes to open door]  Why?

  Chrissy Snow : Well, it means one side of my mouth is gonna wear out before the other...

  Janet Wood : [opens door]  Oh, hi, Mrs. Roper.

  Helen Roper : Hi, Janet.

  Chrissy Snow : ...and by the time I'm thirty, I'm gonna be lopsided!

  [aghast at prospect] 

  Helen Roper : [misunderstands anatomy involved]  Look, honey, why don't you try just exercising with the other...?

  [mimics breast-shaping exercises]