Tales from the Crypt (TV Series)

Mournin' Mess (1991)

Steven Weber: Dale Sweeney

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dale Sweeney : I need an assignment, Tillman.

  Elaine : You must be joking. I'm gonna have to hire somebody to come in and clean up the mess you made just walking in here.

• Dale Sweeney : You sure you don't want a bite?

  [offers his burger to Jess] 

  Jess : I don't eat meat.

  Dale Sweeney : Oh god, you're not one of those, are you?

  Jess : Not exactly...

• Dale Sweeney : Oh God, Climsky?

  Climsky : Don't mind me, Sweeney. I just stopped in for a scoop. I'm not really hungry. I'll just pick.

• Dale Sweeney : Jess, Jess!

  Jess : I know... I said I don't eat meat. I lied.

  Dale Sweeney : Help me, help me!

  Jess : If you don't mind, I think I'll just help myself. Mmm. I knew you were good enough to eat!

• Dale Sweeney : Well, look, y'know, I'm only doin' my job.

  Jess : You don't want to see me do mine!

• Copard : Good evening, Mr. Sweeney. Nice of you to drop by for dinner.

  Dale Sweeney : Who the hell are you people?

  Copard : Well, that depends. 'Til recently we were known as the infamous homeless killer. But now you may refer to us as the Grateful Homeless Outcasts and Unwanted Layaway Society.

  Dale Sweeney : Ghouls?

  Copard : It's been so long since we've had fresh meat...

• Robert : I need you to write an article.

  Dale Sweeney : What about?

  Robert : I ain't no killer! The only thing I am is hard up.

  Dale Sweeney : If you're not the killer, then who is?

  Robert : Ah, if I told you what's goin' on you'd think I had a kink in my slinky. Tomorrow they're having their first planting at the Grateful Homeless cemetery.

  Dale Sweeney : Cemetery?

  Robert : Go there. Hang out 'til sunset. You'll see... do it and I'll spill the rest like a fuckin' floodgate. I'll even throw in a few names!

• Dale Sweeney : Wait a minute, wait a minute, why me?

  Robert : 'Cos you look hungrier than I do.