Stargate SG-1 (TV Series)

Citizen Joe (2005)

Richard Dean Anderson: Brigadier General Jack O'Neill

Photos 

Quotes 

• Daniel : Jack?

  Jack O'Neill : He's a barber.

  Daniel : Broke into your house?

  Jack O'Neill : Yeah.

  Daniel : Second week in a row.

  Jack O'Neill : Mmmh-hmm.

  Daniel : Alarm.

  Jack O'Neill : I'm thinkin' "dog".

  Joe Spencer : You could try locking your front door.

• Lt. Col. Samantha Carter : Wait a second. If the stones worked the way Daniel says, shouldn't General O'Neill have been able to see elements of Joe's life, as well?

  Daniel : Theoretically, yes he would.

  Jack O'Neill : [to Joe]  Bowling league, Thursday nights?

  Joe Spencer : You saw that?

  Jack O'Neill : You got game, son.

  Daniel : Wait a minute. Jack, you've been seeing parts of the life of a barber in Indiana for seven years, and you never mentioned it?

  Jack O'Neill : Yeah, sure I did. I know I did.

  Lt. Col. Samantha Carter : No, no you didn't, sir.

  Jack O'Neill : I didn't?

  Daniel : You didn't find it the least bit odd?

  Jack O'Neill : Actually no. I found it quite relaxing.

• Jack O'Neill : I just walked in with a whole handful of ingredients for my world-famous omelet!

  Lt. Col. Samantha Carter : World-famous, huh? What's in it?

  Jack O'Neill : Eggs.

  Lt. Col. Samantha Carter : I don't think that that actually qualifies as a recipe.

  Jack O'Neill : Oh, don't kid yourself. There's a secret ingredient. I can't tell you what it is or I'd have to shoot you.

  Lt. Col. Samantha Carter : It's beer isn't it?

• Joe Spencer : Please wait! You're Brigadier General Jack O'Neill. Head of Stargate Command at Cheyenne Mountain. You used to command SG-1, which is now led by Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. You once visited a planet called Argos, and the nanites in your blood caused you to age artificially. You've had the entire repository of the Ancients' knowledge downloaded into your brain. Twice! You have a thing for The Simpsons, fishing, Mary Steenburgen, the color peridot, and you're a terrible ping pong player.

  Jack O'Neill : ...Have we met?

  Joe Spencer : My name is Joe Spencer. I'm a barber. It's all true, isn't it? Everything I've seen. The Stargate, the Goa'uld, the Asgards? It's all real. Tell me it's real. I need to know.

  Jack O'Neill : [hesitates]  Well, first of all, Joe, I'm not a terrible ping pong player.

• Lt. Col. Samantha Carter : That still doesn't explain the proximity issue. I mean, if the stone General O'Neill touched was kept here, how was Joe able to see everything that happened to the General off-world?

  Daniel : I think he was getting most of it from when Jack was writing up his reports right here on the base. The stone was being stored just a few levels above.

  Joe Spencer : That's why the stories were so easy to write. It was like someone else had done most of the work for me.

  Jack O'Neill : [disappointed]  And you say they all got rejected?

• Joe Spencer : And don't worry I wont say a word about your feelings for...

  [Lt. Col. Samantha Carter walks in] 

  Jack O'Neill : shhh