The Simpsons (TV Series)

Marge in Chains (1993)

Phil Hartman: Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lionel Hutz : And so ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I rest my case.

  Judge Snyder : Hmm. Mr Hutz. Do you know you're not wearing any pants?

  Lionel Hutz : I... Ahh!

  [David Crosby shakes his head in shame] 

  Lionel Hutz : I move for a 'bad court thingy'.

  Judge Snyder : You mean a mistrial?

  Lionel Hutz : Yeah! That's why you're the 'judge' and I'm the 'law talking guy?'

  Judge Snyder : The lawyer?

  Lionel Hutz : Right.

• Lionel Hutz : Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I... uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.

  Marge : Is that bad?

  Lionel Hutz : Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.

  Marge : You did?

  Lionel Hutz : Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."

• Lionel Hutz : Now, Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of... delicious... bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors... so tempting.

  [holds the bottle to his ear] 

  Lionel Hutz : [whispering]  What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!

  [puts it down] 

  Lionel Hutz : Excuse me.

  [he runs out of the courtroom, finds a payphone and quickly dials] 

  Lionel Hutz : Hello, David? I'm really tempted!

  David Crosby : Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.

  Lionel Hutz : I love you too, man.

• Troy McClure : But now I'm here to tell you about a remarkable new invention.

  [Troy grabs an orange and squeezes it against his eye until it bursts. All the juice pours into a glass beneath his face] 

  Troy McClure : Until now, this was the only way to get juice from an orange.

  [cuts to Homer, using the exact same method to get orange juice] 

  Homer : You mean there's a better way?

• Lionel Hutz : Hiring me as your attorney, you'll also recieve this free smoking monkey.

  [places a toy monkey with a cigarette in it's mouth on the desk] 

  Marge : Mr Hutz.

  Lionel Hutz : Look... he's taking another puff!

• Bart Simpson : Mr. Hutz, when I grow up, I wanna be a lawyer just like you.

  Lionel Hutz : Good for you, son. If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?

  [visualizes the world in his head with multicultural people, holding hands and dancing happily; Hutz shudders]