The Simpsons (TV Series)

Marge Simpson in: 'Screaming Yellow Honkers' (1999)

Dan Castellaneta: Groundskeeper Willie, Homer Simpson, Krusty the Clown, Gil, Crazy Guy, Zookeeper

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : [Trapped by a rampaging rhinoceros]  Jesus! Allah! Buddha! I love you all!

• Homer Simpson : [during the credits]  I'd like to read the following statement, but I do so under...

  [gun cocks] 

  Homer Simpson : ... my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many FOX shows as possible. So in summary: NBC bad, FOX good.

  [quickly, under his breath] 

  Homer Simpson : CBS great.

  [the gun is heard firing several times] 

• Lisa Simpson : How'd you know the plan would work, Mom?

  Marge Simpson : Thanks for asking. Well, I was watching "Dateline", and Stone Phillips said SUVs always roll over when you turn sharply, and the gas tanks explode at the drop of a hat.

  Zookeeper : And she also knew if a rhino sees a flame, he'll instinctively try to put it out.

  Marge Simpson : Stone Phillips again!

  Homer Simpson : Is there anything that guy doesn't know?

  Zookeeper : Why this Stone Phillips sounds like quite a bloke! What television network is he on?

  Bart Simpson : Why, NBC, of course!

  Lisa Simpson : NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat!

  Chief Wiggum : Do ya think there's anything great on NBC right now?

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I'm sure of it.

  Marge Simpson : But there's only one way to find out!

  [the episode ends] 

• Groundskeeper Willie : [Performing a stand-up routine in a kilt and with a set of bagpipes]  So, have you noticed how North Edinburgh golfers putt like this?

  [Standing up straight, he mimes putting with one of the pipes] 

  Groundskeeper Willie : And South Edinburgh golfers putt like this?

  [Does the same, but with his legs further apart and his knees bent. Someone in the audience coughs, but otherwise there is no reaction] 

  Groundskeeper Willie : Eh?

  [Blows a note on the bagpipe] 

  Groundskeeper Willie : Eh?

  [a cicada is heard, but still no reaction from the audience] 

  Groundskeeper Willie : Oh, I see. Willie's not funny unless he's down on his knees, scooping up your little brats' puke!

  [the audience laugh] 

  Groundskeeper Willie : Thank you, you've been great!