The Simpsons (TV Series)

Hurricane Neddy (1996)

Harry Shearer: Kent Brockman, National Guard, Reverend Lovejoy, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny, Nedward Flanders, Sr., Doctor

Quotes 

• Bart Simpson : Hey! Back off, man!

  Ned Flanders : Ok, *dude*! I wouldn't want you to have a cow, *man*! Here's a catchphrase you better learn for your adult years; "Hey, buddy, got a quarter?"

  [crowd gasps] 

  Bart Simpson : I am shocked and appalled.

• [Ned's friends and neighbors have unsuccessfully attempted to rebuild his house] 

  Ned Flanders : Now calm down, Ned-dily-diddly-diddly-diddly... they did their best, shoddily-iddly-iddly-diddly... gotta be *nice*, hostily-iddly-diddly-iddly...

  [snapping completely] 

  Ned Flanders : Ah *hell* diddly-ding-dong-crap! Can't you morons do anything right?

• Ned Flanders : Homer... you are the worst human being I have ever met.

  Homer : Hey, I got off pretty easy!

• Ned Flanders : [talking to God after his house is destroyed]  Why me, Lord? I've always been good. I don't drink or dance or swear, I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side. I've done everything the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more can I do? I... I... I feel like I'm coming apart here! I wanna yell out, but I just can't dang-darn-diddly-darn-dang-ding-dong-diddly-darned do it! I just... I...

  [sighs] 

• Ned Flanders : You ugly, hate-filled man!

  Moe Szyslak : Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I... uh... what was that third thing you said?

• Lisa : Mr. Flanders - with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything.

  Ned Flanders : Do I hear the sound of butting in? It's gotta be Little Lisa Simpson: Springfield's answer to a question No-One Asked!

  Chief Wiggum : [laughs] 

  Ned Flanders : What do we have here? The Long Flabby Arm of the Law? The last case you got to the bottom of was a case of Mallomars!

  Krusty : "Mallomars?" Ohh, that's going in the act!

  Ned Flanders : Oh, yeah.. the clown! The only one of you buffoons who *doesn't* make me laugh!

• [a videotape plays of Ned as a child, running frantically around a room hitting other children] 

  Ned Flanders : I'm Dick Tracy! Take that, Pruneface!

  Ned Flanders : [hits someone else]  Now I'm Pruneface! Take that, Dick Tracy!

  Ned Flanders : [assault continues]  Now I'm Prune Tracy! Take that, Dick...

  Dr. Foster : Ned, stop it at once!

• [deleted scene - prior to Flanders telling off Homer] 

  Ned Flanders : WHADDYA LOOKING AT, FOUR-EYES?

  Milhouse Van Houten : But... but you have glasses, too.

• Jay Sherman : It stinks, it stinks, it stinks!

  Doctor : Yes Mr. Sherman, everything stinks.

• Ned Flanders : Need some help there? You know, maybe you folks should come over and hunker in our bunker.

  [Ned's house is covered with tints] 

  Ned Flanders : Oh, it'll be fun! We're gonna go through our old cancelled checks and receipts and give ourselves an audit. Make sure we don't owe anything extra.

  Homer : Oh, I'm sure I'd be a third wheel.

  Ned Flanders : Ho ho, no sir-ee, we'd be happy as heads to ha...

  Homer : [sternly]  *I* would make it my *business* to be a third wheel.

  Ned Flanders : Okily dokily. Oooh, I better go take down the Manger scene. If baby Jesus got loose, it could really do some damage!

• Kent Brockman : The weather service has warned us to brace ourselves for onslaught of Hurricane Barbara. And you think naming a destructive storm after a woman is sexist, you obviously have never seen the gals grabbing for items at a clearance sale.

  Marge Simpson : [grumbles]  That's true, but he shouldn't say it!

• Ned Flanders : Well, sir, everyone's alive. Guess that's something to be thankful for.

  Homer : Now, that kind of attitude's not gonna get your house back.

  Marge Simpson : I'm sure your insurance will cover the house.

  Maude Flanders : Uh, well, no. Neddy doesn't believe in insurance. He considers it a form of gambling.

  Ned Flanders : You know it's kind of funny. The only thing that survived the storm were the family tombstones.

  [said tombstones are named Ned, Maude, Rod and Todd] 

  Ned Flanders : They're all we have left.

  Homer : [walking off]  Welp, call us if you need anything!

• Ned Flanders : And you! I don't know who you are but I'm sure you're an idiot!

  Lenny : Hey, I just got here! What's going on?

• Ned Flanders : Maude? Rod? Todd?

  Todd Flanders : I'm right here, daddy.

  Maude Flanders : Oh, Neddy, it was terrifying. I thought I was headed for the eternal bliss of paradise.