Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Bookstore (1998)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: Elaine Benes

Photos 

Quotes 

• J. Peterman : Elaine, do you have a moment? It's about your lover.

  Elaine Benes : [Faking a broken heart]  Oh yes. I know all about his little performance in the break room.

  Elaine Benes : Elaine, who among us hasn't snuck into the break room to nibble on a love newton?

  Elaine Benes : Love newton?

  J. Peterman : I'm afraid the problem with Zach is more serious. He's back on the horse, Elaine. Smack. White palace. The Chinaman's nightcap.

  Elaine Benes : An addict?... Well, it just keeps getting better!

  J. Peterman : And, in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. I'm the one who sent him to Thailand in search of low-cost whistles, filled his head with pseudoerotic tales of my own Opium excursions... plus, I gave him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel.

  Elaine Benes : Look, uh, Mr. Peterman, the fact is that I was planning on breaking up with Zach anyway. He was cheating on me!

  J. Peterman : Damn it, Elaine. That wasn't Zach. That was the yam-yam. Now, he is going cold turkey... And you will be at his side.

  Elaine Benes : Oh. Well, you know, I had planned to uh...

  J. Peterman : [Cutting her off]  No buts, Elaine. Or I will strip you of your 'associate' status.

  [Peterman goes to leave] 

  J. Peterman : Oh, P.S., the first twenty-four hours are the worst... Beeetter bring a poncho.

• Elaine Benes : Yeah. Now I can break up with him. He's clean, and I'm the office hero.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Seems like you're better at fake relationships than real ones.

  Elaine Benes : Yeah, huh. I even got an idea out of it: the Detox Poncho.

• Jerry Seinfeld : [as Elaine walks up, disheveled]  Sleeping in the car again?

  Elaine Benes : Cocktail flu.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Remembering]  Oh, right. The big party...

  George Costanza : You, uh, didn't dance again, did you?

  Elaine Benes : No, I found a better way to humiliate myself. There was this guy, and we had a few too many...

  George Costanza : You went home with him?

  Elaine Benes : Worse. We made out at the table like our plane was going down!

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Rubbing it in]  Ah, the drunken make-out. An office classic. Did you end up xeroxing anything?

  Elaine Benes : [Gives Jerry a look]  Do you know how embarrassing this is to someone in my position?

  Jerry Seinfeld : What's your position?

  Elaine Benes : *I* am an *associate*.

  George Costanza : Hey, me too.

  [Waitress walks up] 

  Waitress : Yeah, me too.

  Elaine Benes : Oh God. Why did I do this? Now I'm the office skank.

  George Costanza : Well, unless you tell everybody you're dating.

  Elaine Benes : Ooh... right. 'Cause if we're dating, what everyone saw was just a beautiful moment between two lovers.

  Jerry Seinfeld : As opposed to a spirited bout of Skanko-Roman wrestling.

  Elaine Benes : Ooh, bravo.