Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Airport (1992)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Attendant #2 : You're going to have to go back to your seat!

  Elaine Benes : Ok, fine. I'll go back... You know, our goal should be a society *without* *classes*!

  [She goes through the curtain to coach, to her dismay] 

  Elaine Benes : Do you realise that the people up here are getting *cookies*!

  [Her ranting rouses Jerry, who had been dozing comfortably in first class] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : What is all the racket back there? You know, you're trying to relax on the plane and this is what you have to put up with.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [to attendant]  What is going on?

  Attendant #2 : Sir, this woman tried to sneak into first class.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, you see, that's terrible. The problem is, that curtain is no security - there really should be a locking door. Electrified, with a moat if possible.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : But I have to admit that I like flying. I like those, uh... Those little bathrooms that they have on the plane. It's kind of like a small apartment of your own on the plane. You go in, close the door, the light comes right on. It's like a little surprise party every time you go in there. But the worst way of flying, I think, is standby. You ever fly standby? It never works. You know, that's why they call it "standby". You end up standing there, going, "Bye." That didn't, uh... Yeah. So I was on this plane where the flight attendant... It was her first day on the job, so they didn't have a uniform for her yet, and that really makes a big difference. I mean, here's just some regular person coming over to you, going, "Would you mind bringing your seat back all the way up?" Who the hell are you? She says, "Well, I'm the flight attendant." Oh, yeah, well, then I'm the pilot, all right? So why don't you sit down? I'm about to bring her in.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : Have you noticed that everything on planes is very tiny? There's always tiny food, tiny liquor bottles, tiny pillows, tiny bathroom, tiny sink, tiny soap? Everyone's in a cramped seat working on a tiny computer. There's always a small problem. "There'll be a slight delay. You'll be a bit late. If you could be a little patient!" We're just trying to get one of those little trucks to pull us up a little closer to the Jetway so you can walk down the narrow hallway. There'll be a man there in a tight suit, and he'll tell you "You have very little time to make your connecting flight. So move it!"