Roseanne (TV Series)

Trick Me Up, Trick Me Down (1991)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dan : [as Deadger Bergen and his dummy, Mortuary Snerd, singing]  Well I come from six feet under with a dead guy on my knee, I'm heading down to Hades for to spend eternity.

  Roseanne : [singing]  Hey there, Deadger, I think it's plain to see, we bought a cardboard casket and the worms have eaten me.

• Jackie Harris : What's with the blood?

  Roseanne : [nonchalantly]  Oh, I killed Dan.

• Roseanne : [walks into the kitchen and sees Dan disemboweled, turns around and Roseanne corners her with a knife]  What is it, Kathy? I've had a really bad day and now I've got to clean up all of this. You know, I don't know how many times I keep telling myself, it's just like gutting a fish. I swear I was much better with Becky's dad.

  Kathy Bowman : Becky's dad?

  Roseanne : Yeah, he was blonde too. Oh hey I know, you've got a garbage disposal, don't you?

  Kathy Bowman : [cringing]  Oh my God... I have to go home.

  Roseanne : Oh no, you can't go, Kathy, you'll tell.

  Kathy Bowman : [backing up]  No I won't, I promise, please let me go!

  [backs into Dan who's standing behind her, turns around] 

  Dan : Liver?

  [Kathy screams and runs for the door] 

  Roseanne : Happy Halloween!

  Kathy Bowman : [in shock]  That was horrible! Horrible!

• Roseanne : [run out of their room after finding snakes in their bed]  Snakes bite and squeeze, this is going too far, Kathy's trying to kill us!

  Becky Conner : [laughing]  What're you talking about? Kathy's not trying to kill you.

  Darlene Conner : Yeah, we are.

• Roseanne : [to Kathy, because she is convinced that Kathy is lying about wanting to seek revenge for a prank pulled on her by the Conners]  Oh sure, you think you're better than me now, but when you remember the terrible thing that I did to you today, you will sink to my level like a *rock!*

• Dan : [talking about their scaring Kathy]  Damn good bladder control though.

  Roseanne : Why thank you, I did laugh pretty hard.

• Roseanne : Our children remembered us on our favorite holiday.

  Dan : God bless us one and all.

• Roseanne : You know, Dan, I think we should've rehearsed our act more, I don't think they got that we were supposed to be dead.

  Dan : [as Deadger Bergen]  Well Morty, if it's any consolation, I'm sure they wish we were.

• Dan : [as Deadger Bergen]  Well Morty, here we are.

  Roseanne : [as Mortuary Snerd]  Is this hell?

  Dan : [laughs]  No Morty, this is Lanford.

  Roseanne : Say, isn't that Arnie? I thought I told you to go to hell.

• D.J. Conner : Mom, where are my hand grenades?

  Roseanne : In your bottom drawer. Where else would they be?

  D.J. Conner : Oh yeah, right.