Photos
Quotes
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Suzy : Meat's supposed to be bad for you.
Roseanne Conner : Yeah? Well, so are cool pops but you have to draw the line somewhere.
Suzy : Well, what about a vegetable?
Roseanne Conner : Ketchup.
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Roseanne Conner : Let's see what Meryl picked. New York steak. What does your father do, Meryl?
Meryl : He's a dermatologist.
Roseanne Conner : Oh. Well, then that would be a good choice. Anybody here who doesn't have a trust fund? Darlene, what are we gonna have for dinner?
Darlene Conner : Well, I'm eating at Meryl's house!
Roseanne Conner : Who wants to see a picture of Darlene dressed up like a tulip for her 3rd grade play?
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Roseanne Conner : Where else can you find pizza, microwave pizza, frozen pizza, stuffed crust pizza, pizza tarts, pizza bites, pizza puffs... Did I tell you that you shouldn't shop when you're really, really hungry?
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Roseanne Conner : Now, we need corn flakes. They are the most important part of this meal.
Meryl : Why's that?
Roseanne Conner : Well, how else do you think we're going to turn two pounds of ground round into eleven pounds of mouth-watering meatloaf?
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Dan : Roseanne, what's going on here? Who are all those girls?
Roseanne Conner : Why, they're ours, dearest! Don't you remember?
Dan : My God! How long have I been asleep?
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Dan : Well, Honey, I *am* the professional in the family.
Roseanne Conner : Oh, right. I forgot about your Masters in drywalling.
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Roseanne Conner : It's kind of like being a doctor, only, you know, the hours are longer and you don't get any pay.
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Roseanne Conner : Well, I tried, you know, lounging on the beaches of Europe, but somehow that just left me empty. Now, believe this or not, I mean, I really wanted to have a family. Maybe not the one I got, but...
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Roseanne Conner : Hey, look what this here guy's buying! Vodka, Mallomars, and a TV Guide. I'm thinking: single and stayin' that way.
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Suzy : Excuse me. What kind of salad dressing would you like, Mr. Conner?
Dan : I don't know. Nobody's ever asked me that before.
Roseanne Conner : Oh, you're just confusing him now, Suzy. Orange or red, Dan?
Dan : Oh. Orange.
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Meryl : Hey, wait a minute! I don't see why I have to be stuck in this kitchen, killing myself cooking dinner for this family!
[all of the girls agree]
Roseanne Conner : This is a proud, proud, proud moment for me, girls. Now you're sounding like real housewives.
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Dan : Kid's a genius!
Roseanne Conner : He's an extortionist! So, what now? I'm buying Twinkies for Maxine instead of Kevin?
D.J. Conner : No. I told Kevin I'd call Maxine off if he gives me two Twinkies every day. Then, I give one to Maxine and eat the other one. Doesn't cost you anything.
Roseanne Conner : He is a genius!
