Roseanne (TV Series)

Don't Make Me Over (1992)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• Jackie Harris : [on Roseanne's new robe from Dan]  Oh, my, my, my. Let me feel. Oh boy, that feels fire retardant.

  Roseanne Conner : It's *way* retardant.

• Roseanne Conner : [looking in the closet]  Hey! I think I found my Mother's Day present from the kids.

  Jackie Harris : You're not going to open it, are you? It's two days away.

  Roseanne Conner : Yea! Well I need time to practice pretending like I like it.

  [pulls ugly, fuzzy, pink houseshoes from the box] 

  Roseanne Conner : Oh man, I should'a opened it a week ago.

• D.J. Conner : Here. Happy Mother's Day!

  Roseanne Conner : Oh, lookit, it's an ashtray with your picture at the bottom.

  Darlene : Aww, it's a shame you quit smoking, you could grind your butts out on his face.

• Roseanne Conner : [to Becky and Darlene, after they give their Mom a very nice gift]  Man, this must'a cost a lot! Which one of you's is pregnant?

• Roseanne Conner : I got a call from D.J.'s school today because he hasn't turned in any math assignments for 2 whole weeks.

  Dan : Why not?

  Roseanne Conner : Well he's had a lot of extra responsibility around here since you died.

  Dan : [pause]  Did I suffer?

  Roseanne Conner : No, a sniper shot you.

  D.J. Conner : I said I was sorry!

  Roseanne Conner : Ever since he got that video game all he's been doing is goofing off.

• Dan : We're going out to eat.

  Roseanne Conner : No, I don't want to go out with those girls, I just want to eat and go to bed.

  Dan : They're not coming, they're going to stay here. I'm punishing them, and eating my chili's just the beginning of the punishment.

  Roseanne Conner : ...But they hate ME, right?

  Dan : Nope, that's the beauty of it, they hate ME. It's my Mother's Day present for you. Now go get dressed.

  Roseanne Conner : Oh this is great! This is way better than some dumb robe.

• Roseanne Conner : [Darlene and Becky have made Roseanne breakfast]  What's the catch?

  Becky : No catch, can't we do something nice?

  Roseanne Conner : I don't know, you never have.

• Roseanne Conner : [after receiving her gift card for a spa treatment]  Lookie Dan, the girls bought me a good gift.

• Dan : [to DJ]  I want to talk to your Mum a second, go bug your sisters.

  Roseanne Conner : [upset]  Use real bugs.

• Roseanne Conner : It was all a set up; they were just trying to get something out of me

  [hugs Dan] 

  Roseanne Conner : why'd they have to do that today?

• Dan : [sees Roseanne's spa hairdo]  My God! I'm having a flashback, prom night 1969, and all these years later your hair is still just as wide!

  Roseanne Conner : Don't touch it, Dan, you'll dent it.