Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Timeslides (1989)

Danny John-Jules: Cat

Quotes 

• Dave Lister : [Playing Table Golf with Cat]  What am I doing? What am I doing?

  The Cat : You're not following through is what you're doing. Keep your head down, follow through.

  Dave Lister : Why am I playing this?

  The Cat : Because it's Sunday, time to relax, time to chill, lighten up!

  Dave Lister : I can't lighten up, I hate my life! We seem to spend every day devising more and more ingenious ways of wasting time, I'm sick of it! I'm sick of Table Golf! I'm sick of Tiddlywinks Showjumping! I'm sick of stretching a pair of tights across the room and playing Durex Volleyball!

• The Cat : [trying to think of another game to play with Lister, who is bored and depressed]  Got it, Unicycle Polo. We can have a quick chucker on floor 14.

  Dave Lister : It's smegging stupid. Two grown men on unicycles belting a beachball up and down a corridor with French loaves? It's pathetic, it's idiotic, it's... it's puerile.

  The Cat : Well, you invented it.

• [Lister is fed up of playing childish games to pass the time] 

  Dave Lister : I want a life. This is worse than prison. At least when you're in prison you can look forward to getting out. I want to live, I want a job, I want to meet people. I want to meet girls, I want to make love.

  The Cat : Well, Junior Angler's the best you're going to get out of me, buddy.

• Dave Lister : [to his younger self]  I'm trying to give you a break.

  The Cat : Oh, give up! The guy's an idiot.

  Dave Lister : He's me!

  The Cat : Exactly!

• The Cat : [looking at Lister's younger self's clothes]  Look at that collar! You could go hang-gliding!

• Rimmer : So we can go anywhere we want, absolutely anywhere?

  Kryten : Providing we have a photograph of it.

  Rimmer : So if one of us had, say, a photograph of a female-only naturist beach in Acapulco full of bronzed, naked, uninhibited teenage temptresses, we could go there for a holiday?

  Kryten : I suppose.

  Rimmer : Kryten, get my photo album.

  Dave Lister : Hang on. The thing is, we can't move outside the confines of the photograph. What we see is all we get.

  The Cat : Meaning?

  Dave Lister : Meaning we can't get a picture of Earth and go back there, we wouldn't be able to move outside the frame of the photograph.

  Rimmer : Believe me, this beach shot in Acapulco, you wouldn't want to move outside the photograph.