Married... with Children (TV Series)
The Two That Got Away (1995)
Ted McGinley: Jefferson D'Arcy
Photos
Quotes
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Al Bundy : Before I get to the main event, I would like to start this auction with a genuine photograph of the Loch Ness monster.
Jefferson D'Arcy : [looks at the photo] God, Al, that's horrific. What exactly is that?
Al Bundy : A picture of Peg's mom in the bathtub.
Jefferson D'Arcy : I don't see a bathtub in there.
Al Bundy : Trust me Jefferson, it's under there somewhere.
Star Disher : [looks at the photo] That's not the Loch Ness monster. He's not that big.
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Al Bundy : Jefferson, would you stop taking pictures so we can enjoy this place?
[two bussom blond ladies enter]
Al Bundy : Jefferson, would you start taking pictures so we can enjoy this place?
Helga : Willkimen! We are your Swedish masseuses. I'm Helga.
Inga : I'm Inga.
Al Bundy : [leering] And I'm Alga.
Jefferson D'Arcy : And I'm gaga.
Inga : May we carry your bags in for you?
Al Bundy : Jefferson, we died and went to the land of milk and... honeys!
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Randolph : Mr. Bundy and Mr. D'Arcy? I'm Randolph the innkeeper. I've been trying to get ahold of you. I want to tell you that there's been a slight change in your cabin assignments.
Jefferson D'Arcy : What's the change?
Randolph : You don't have one.
Al Bundy : That's okay. We'll just bunk in with Helga and Inga.
Helga : Ja, sure.
Randolph : Helga, Inga, you're late for topless happy hour.
[Helga and Inga exit]
Jefferson D'Arcy : [to Randolph] Hey, you can't just bump us out of here. We made our reservation for this place over a year ago. Here's the paperwork with our confirmation number.
Randolph : [takes the paper from Jefferson and tears it in two; rude tone] So you did.
Al Bundy : Hey, why'd you do that? What's your problem?
Randolph : Let me explain something. You're nobodies and you have a reservation. Shannon Tweed is a famous actress and she doesn't have a reservation. Explanation over, now get off my property.
