Edit
"Married with Children" The Two That Got Away (TV Episode 1995) Poster

Quotes

Al Bundy: Before I get to the main event, I would like to start this auction with a genuine photograph of the Loch Ness monster.

Jefferson D'Arcy: [looks at the photo] God, Al, that's horrific. What exactly is that?

Al Bundy: A picture of Peg's mom in the bathtub.

Jefferson D'Arcy: I don't see a bathtub in there.

Al Bundy: Trust me Jefferson, it's under there somewhere.

Star Disher: [looks at the photo] That's not the Loch Ness monster. He's not that big.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Al Bundy: Jefferson, would you stop taking pictures so we can enjoy this place?

[two bussom blond ladies enter]

Al Bundy: Jefferson, would you start taking pictures so we can enjoy this place?

Helga: Willkimen! We are your Swedish masseuses. I'm Helga.

Inga: I'm Inga.

Al Bundy: [leering] And I'm Alga.

Jefferson D'Arcy: And I'm gaga.

Inga: May we carry your bags in for you?

Al Bundy: Jefferson, we died and went to the land of milk and... honeys!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Shannon Tweed: So the next time you want to see me in a hot tub, you rent my upcoming straight-to-video classic, Ernest Pays for Sex. And don't forget to rewind.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Randolph: Mr. Bundy and Mr. D'Arcy? I'm Randolph the innkeeper. I've been trying to get ahold of you. I want to tell you that there's been a slight change in your cabin assignments.

Jefferson D'Arcy: What's the change?

Randolph: You don't have one.

Al Bundy: That's okay. We'll just bunk in with Helga and Inga.

Helga: Ja, sure.

Randolph: Helga, Inga, you're late for topless happy hour.

[Helga and Inga exit]

Jefferson D'Arcy: [to Randolph] Hey, you can't just bump us out of here. We made our reservation for this place over a year ago. Here's the paperwork with our confirmation number.

Randolph: [takes the paper from Jefferson and tears it in two; rude tone] So you did.

Al Bundy: Hey, why'd you do that? What's your problem?

Randolph: Let me explain something. You're nobodies and you have a reservation. Shannon Tweed is a famous actress and she doesn't have a reservation. Explanation over, now get off my property.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Shannon Tweed: Being a famous actress, I guess I've gotten used to having my own way and , well, I might have forgotten that other people have feelings too. But without those people, I'm not a famous star, I'm just an average woman.

Al Bundy: With way above average hooters.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Shannon Tweed: God!, you're so sexy, if you weren't married...

Al Bundy: Oh I'm not married, No, I, I, I live alone with my red-headed mother.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page