Get Smart (TV Series)
Double Agent (1966)
Don Adams: Maxwell Smart
Photos
Quotes
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Chief of Control : [having forbidden Max to tell 99 about his new cover] Max, until your mission is a success, she'll learn to do without you.
Maxwell Smart : Yes Chief, but what if my mission is a failure?
Chief of Control : We'll all learn to do without you.
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Chief of Control : Now Max, remember. Acting as a double agent is the most dangerous game in the world. These men are killers, they'll stop at nothing. You'll be living in constant danger every moment.
Maxwell Smart : And... loving it!
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Chief of Control : [supplying Max with an old coat full of holes] Max, take good care of this. The tailor charges a fortune to rip it up like that
Maxwell Smart : Chief, I've got a dry cleaner that will do this for nothing.
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Maxwell Smart : You know 99, I really feel sorry for professor Parker. He's spend so much time working on that device.
# 99 : The Ice-Cube Transmitter.
Maxwell Smart : Yes. For the last six months he's tested it in every known fluid. That's how he got his reputation.
# 99 : As a perfectionist?
Maxwell Smart : No, as a drunk.
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Chief of Control : Smart!
Maxwell Smart : What do you want?
Chief of Control : A few answers.
Maxwell Smart : Sorry, but I don't think I'm gonna like the questions.
Chief of Control : We're missing 68.000 dollars.
Maxwell Smart : That's tough. Have you looked behind the sofa cushions?
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Parker : I would like Mr. Smart to look at your desk and see if he can detect which item is the listening device.
Chief of Control : Parker, I don't think you should do that.
Maxwell Smart : Don't be ridiculous, Chief. That's a great idea. If he can fool my keen eyes, the security of KAOS is doomed. Excuse me, 99. Now, let's see... Well, I don't think it's this magazine. It's a little obvious and clumsy. Uh... I don't think it's this paperweight, or the cigarette lighter.
Parker : What about that, uh... that fly?
Maxwell Smart : Huh? Oh.
[Max swats the "fly", and Parker gasps in horror]
Maxwell Smart : Got it!
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Chief of Control : Parker has come up with a new listening device that's even cleverer than the fly. Are you ready, Parker?
Parker : Yes, Chief. See if you can pick this one out, Smart. And please be a little more careful this time.
Maxwell Smart : Right, professor.
Parker : It's among these objects on the desk.
Maxwell Smart : Well, let's see. It's not the cigarette lighter, right?
Parker : Right.
Maxwell Smart : And, uh... it's not the magazine, right?
Parker : Correct.
Maxwell Smart : A fly. You've built another fly.
Parker : No, Smart, that's a real fly.
[Max brushes at the fly and it buzzes away]
Maxwell Smart : Oh. Are you sure it's a fly?
Parker : Absolutely.
Maxwell Smart : Well, then I can kill it.
[Max swats at the fly and hits a lamp on the desk; sparks fly out, and Parker covers his head in frustration]
Maxwell Smart : I have a strange feeling it's the light bulb.
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The Drunk : [Max's shoe phone starts ringing in the bar] Pardon me. I know this is going to sound silly, but is it possible that your shoe is ringing?
Maxwell Smart : Shoe? You've been drinking too much of this cheap booze, soldier.