Father Ted (TV Series)

Rock a Hula Ted (1996)

Ardal O'Hanlon: Father Dougal McGuire

Quotes 

• Father Ted Crilly : He goes mad if I'm a minute late.

  [Father Jack is reading a newspaper called "Drink"] 

  Father Ted Crilly : Father Jack, your afternoon drink.

  [Jack lowers his newspaper and is even more hairy than ever, with very long frizzy hair and a very long beard] 

  Father Ted Crilly : You know you really should get a haircut. You don't want to go too far down that "Bob Geldolf" road.

  Father Dougal McGuire : Oh Ted, that's a baaaad road.

  Father Ted Crilly : It is indeed, Dougal. And once you've gone down it, there's no coming back, as Bob himself would tell you. Ha ha ha.

  [Father Jack hits Ted on the head with his walking stick] 

• Niamh Connolly : You haven't told me your name yet Father.

  Father Dougal McGuire : [Looking at his notebook and whispering]  Be yourself, right.

  [Stops whispering] 

  Father Dougal McGuire : Father Dougal McGuire.

  Niamh Connolly : Oh right. This is a great house. I really love the crude religious imagary. Yes I like it.

  Father Dougal McGuire : [Looking again at the notebook then putting it away]  Are you alright there?

  [pause] 

  Father Dougal McGuire : How's your bra?

  Niamh Connolly : What?

  Father Dougal McGuire : Your bra? Is it comfortable? Do you have a bra? It's not too tight is it? Cause you can loosen it if you want. Take it off sure go on. Or would you like some tea? I'll tell you what, I'll make the tea and you take your bra off.

• Father Dougal McGuire : [to Niamh Connolly]  How's your bra?

• Father Ted Crilly : Alright, this is a long shot, but it's our only hope. I'm going to leave this paper and pencil here, and hopefully in the morning, God will have written down what we should do. OK?

  Father Dougal McGuire : That IS a long shot.