Family Matters (TV Series)
The Good, the Bad, and the Urkel (1991)
Reginald VelJohnson: Carl Winslow
Photos
Quotes
-
Harriette Winslow : But Carl, why must you show up for a showdown?
Carl Winslow : Because that's my job, I have to enforce the law of the West.
Harriette Winslow : Why can't the West have simpler rules, like "no smoking in elevators"?
Rachel Crawford : What's an elevator?
Harriette Winslow : It's a real fast way to get upstairs.
Rachel Crawford : For me, it's cash.
-
Carl Winslow : Somebody call 911. There is about to be a murder!
-
Rachel Crawford : What is that awful smell?
Harriette Winslow : Carl, what happened?
Carl Winslow : I was out in the backyard, minding my own burgers, when all of a sudden the wind shifts and I get this-this-this-this-this stench from Dr. Urkel's compost heap. So I went over to complain.
Harriette Winslow : Carl, you didn't make a scene.
Carl Winslow : Of course not. I politely suggested to Dr. Urkel that the stench from his compost heap was unbearable. He suggested to me that the stench started when I walked in his backyard. So I told him, Oh, yeah? Well, that's big talk coming from a little quack. And then next thing I know, he slam-dunked me into the compost heap.
Rachel Crawford : He threw you? But, Carl, Dr. Urkel is a teeny... tiny man.
Carl Winslow : He surprised me.
Estelle 'Mother' Winslow : But still the man's a munchkin.
Carl Winslow : Well, anyway, then he came at me with a garden hose. I had to defend myself, Harriette.
Harriette Winslow : Oh, Carl, you hit him?
Carl Winslow : No! I-I-I merely put out my arm to fend him off and he ran into my fist. Then he started crying and ran into the house.
-
[Steve enters]
Steve Urkel : You! You... You big... bully!
Carl Winslow : Oh, great. Son of Urkel.
Steve Urkel : Carl, I love you like a father and my father like a... neighbor. But you have dented my dad. Therefore, I have no choice but to defend our family honor. It's the code of the Urkels!
[puts up his fists]
Carl Winslow : Go home, Steve!
Steve Urkel : I'll leave. But rest assured, I shall return! Revenge shall be mine!
[Carl shuts the door behind Steve. Steve presses his nose against the door]
Steve Urkel : And by the way, this is what my dad's nose looks like!
-
Carl Winslow : [wakes up from his dream] Two-Gun! You're alive!
[picks Steve up and spins him around all the while Steve screams]
Steve Urkel : [when Carl puts him down] Carl, this is no time to do the lambada!
-
Steve Urkel : I'm calling you out.
Carl Winslow : Well I'll be right here tomorrow at high noon.
[ominous music plays for the umpteenth time, everybody looks around]
Steve Urkel : Yeah well in the meantime let's form a posse and track down that dang orchestra.
-
Carl Winslow : Look here, Two-Gun, I'm real sorry about what I done, but I did it because it had to be done.
Steve Urkel : Yeah well you done it, and now you' gotta die!
Carl Winslow : Dang!