The Facts of Life (TV Series)

From Russia with Love (1981)

Nancy McKeon: Jo Polniaczek

Quotes 

• Jo Polniaczek : You lied to your grandparents, you lied to your parents, you're really on a roll.

  Natalie Green : It's called survival. Can you imagine how much fun a weekend with grandma would be?

  Blair Warner : Oh please, with my mother's 3 marriages I'm an expert on grandparents. When they all come over at Christmastime, it sounds like a bunch of antique cars warming up.

  [coughs and hacks] 

  Jo Polniaczek : I never got to know my grandparents, they all died on me.

• Grandma Mona : First they burnt all our hay. And then a mean old looking cossack, started whipping my father.

  Blair Warner : How terrible.

  Grandma Mona : I ran over to him and I said 'you stop hurting my papa!' Then he put a gun to my chest and he said 'Lie down'.

  Jo Polniaczek : Geez Louise.

  Grandma Mona : And I said 'no, if you want to kill me, I'll stand'. He said 'I don't want to kill you, I want something else.'

  Edna Garrett : Oh my God.

  Blair Warner : What did you do?

  Grandma Mona : I don't know, without even thinking, God must've given me the strength, I gave him such a push that he fell back over a milk stool, and I began to run. And I ran and I ran and I ran, until I hid, in a corn field.

  Edna Garrett : And he never found you?

  Grandma Mona : No.

  Edna Garrett : Oh Mona, you're lucky to be here.

  Dorothy 'Tootie' Ramsey : And we're lucky we weren't there.

• Jo Polniaczek : Hey where's your grandma?

  Natalie Green : She's driving me crazy, that's where she is. Can you imagine a woman of her age trying to tell me how to run my love life?

  Jo Polniaczek : Oh yeah, she's a real troublemaker. Well I'll tell you, you don't want her, I'll take her, cuz' I could use a grandma.

  Natalie Green : Oh yeah you're the type, you'd just love to have some old lady give you advice, pinch your cheeks, worry you're gonna fall off your motorcycle.

  Jo Polniaczek : Yeah, I can handle that. At least grandmas don't look for angles like other people, I mean they don't ask for a thing from ya, all they want to do is love you. I'll see you later.

• [first lines] 

  Natalie Green : Well, Jo, what do you think?

  [waves her freshly-lacquered purplish fingernails about] 

  Natalie Green : Passionate Plum.

  Jo Polniaczek : Passionate Plum? That could get you into trouble.

  Natalie Green : [big grin]  If I'm lucky.