Dad's Army (TV Series)

The Deadly Attachment (1973)

Philip Madoc: the U Boat Captain

Photos 

Quotes 

• U-Boat Captain : I am making notes, Captain, and when we win the war, you will be brought to account

  Mainwaring : You can write what you like. You're not going to win this war.

  U-Boat Captain : Oh, yes we are!

  Mainwaring : Oh no you're not!

  U-Boat Captain : Oh yes we are!

  Pike : [sings]  Whistle while you work / Hitler is a twerp / He's half barmy, so's his army / Whistle while you work.

  U-Boat Captain : [pointing at Pike]  Your name will also go on zee list. What is it?

  Mainwaring : Don't tell him, Pike!

  U-Boat Captain : Pike.

• U-Boat Captain : You, old man - you take off your belt and undo ze back of your tunic.

  Jones : I beg your pardon!

  U-Boat Captain : Do as I tell you - remove your belt. And just to make sure, captain, that your behaviour is correct, zis old man will march in front of me.

  [During this exchange, the U-Boat captain ties a piece of string to a hand grenade and then inserts it down the trousers of Lance Corporal Jones] 

  U-Boat Captain : And one false move from you, and I pull zee string!

  Jones : Oh, don't make any false moves, Mr Mainwaring. And don't make any real ones either!

• Mainwaring : [the platoon is holding a U-boat crew as prisoners. Pike is covering them from the top of a ladder, holding a tommy gun. Mainwaring addresses them]  Now pay attention.

  [the Germans snap smartly to attention] 

  Wilson : Oh I say, they're awfully well-disciplined, aren't they, sir?

  Mainwaring : Nothing of the sort. It's slavish, blind obedience. Not like the cheerful discipline of our own jolly jack tars. I tell you Wilson, they're a nation of automatons, led a lunatic who looks like Charlie Chaplin.

  U-Boat Captain : How dare you compare our glorious leader with that non-Aryan clown!

  Mainwaring : Now look here...

  U-Boat Captain : [Takes out pencil and notebook]  I am making notes Captain. And your name... will go on the list. And when we win he war, you will be brought to account.

  Mainwaring : Write what you like, you're not going to win this war.

  U-Boat Captain : Oh, yes we are.

  Mainwaring : Oh, no you're not!

  U-Boat Captain : Oh, yes we are!

  Pike : [singing and laughing]  Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so's his army, whistle while you...

  U-Boat Captain : [Points pencil at Pike. The words die on Pike's lips]  Your name will also go on the list. What is it?

  Mainwaring : Don't tell him, Pike!

  U-Boat Captain : 'Pike', thank you.

  [Writes Pike's name. Pike now looks distressed] 

• Mainwaring : They're a nation of automatons - led by a lunatic who looks like Charlie Chaplin.

  U-Boat Captain : How dare you compare our glorious leader with that non Aryan clown!