Blackadder the Third (TV Series)

Sense and Senility (1987)

Tony Robinson: Baldrick, a dogsbody

Quotes 

• Blackadder : Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest and friendly companionship.

  Baldrick : Aaahh, thank you Mr. B.

  Blackadder : But as we both know, it'll be an utter lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, "Sod off," and if I ever meet you again, it'll be twenty billion years too soon.

  Baldrick : Goodbye, you lazy big-nosed, rubber-faced bastard.

  Blackadder : I fear, Baldrick, that you will soon be eating those badly chosen words. I wouldn't bet you a single groat that you can survive five minutes here without me.

  Baldrick : Oh come on, Mr. B., it's not as though we're gonna get murdered or anything the minute you leave, is it?

  Blackadder : Hope springs eternal, Baldrick.

• Baldrick : My uncle Baldrick was in a play once.

  Blackadder : Really?

  Baldrick : Yeah, it was called Macbeth.

  Blackadder : And what did he play?

  Baldrick : Second codpiece. Macbeth wore him in the fight scenes.

  Blackadder : So he was a stunt codpiece.

  Baldrick : [Baldrick nods]  Yes.

  Blackadder : Did he have a large part?

  Baldrick : Depends who was playing Macbeth.

• Prince George : Anarchist!

  Baldrick : Cleaner!

  Prince George : So you've had a wash, that's no excuse!

• Baldrick : You look smart, Mr Blackadder. Going somewhere nice?

  Blackadder : No. I'm off to the theatre.

  Baldrick : Don't you like it then?

  Blackadder : No I don't. A lot of stupid actors strutting around shouting, with their chests thrust out so far you'd think their nipples were attached to a pair of charging elephants. And the worst thing about it is having to go with Prince Mini-Brain!

  Baldrick : What, doesn't he like it either?

  Blackadder : Oh, no. He loves it. The problem is he doesn't realise it's made up.

• Baldrick : Mr Blackadder always says, "When the going gets tough, the tough hide under the table!"

• Blackadder : [after being insulted by the prince]  All I can say is he'd better watch out. One more foot wrong and the contract between us, will be as broken as this milk jug.

  [Blackadder picks up a milk jug] 

  Baldrick : But that milk jug isn't broken.

  Blackadder : You really do walk into these things don't you?

  [Blackadder breaks the milk jug on Baldrick's head to prove his point] 

• Blackadder : Actors are very superstitious. On no account mention the word "Macbeth" this evening, alright?

  Baldrick : Why not?

  Blackadder : It brings them bad luck, and it makes them very unhappy.

  Baldrick : Oh. So you won't be mentioning it either?

  Blackadder : No. Well, not very often.

  [Blackadder sips his tea] 

• Baldrick : My uncle Baldrick was in a play once.

  Blackadder : Really?

  Baldrick : Yeah, it was called "Macbeth".

  Blackadder : And what did he play?

  Baldrick : Second codpiece. Macbeth wore him in the fight scenes.

  Blackadder : So he was a stunt codpiece?

  Baldrick : Yeah.

  Blackadder : Did he have a large part?

  Baldrick : [a brief silence]  Depends who was playing Macbeth.