Blackadder II (TV Series)

Chains (1986)

Hugh Laurie: Prince Ludwig

Quotes 

• Prince Ludwig : But if you gentlemen were to tell me a way to, let us say, gain access to your Queen, I might just be able to commute your deaths to a life sentence.

  Blackadder : Are you suggesting we betray her?

  Prince Ludwig : Oh yes.

  Blackadder : All right.

  Lord Melchett : Blackadder, what are you saying? What of loyalty, honor, self-respect?

  Blackadder : What of them?

  Lord Melchett : Nothing.

• Prince Ludwig : Do you remember when you were in Cornwall, at the monastery, there was an old shepherd wizh whom you used to talk?

  Lord Melchett : Good Lord! Timkins?

  Prince Ludwig : Yes! I was one of his sheep!

  Lord Melchett : His sheep? Not...

  Prince Ludwig : Yes!

  Lord Melchett : Flossy?

  Prince Ludwig : Yes!

  Lord Melchett : But didn't we...

  Prince Ludwig : Yes, Lord Melchett! Baaaaaa!

• Blackadder : One thing, Ludwig, just before you go...

  Prince Ludwig : What?

  Blackadder : Were you ever bullied at school?

  Prince Ludwig : What do you mean?

  Blackadder : Well, all this ranting and raving about power, there must be some reason for it.

  Prince Ludwig : Nonsense, no, no, at my school having dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity.

  Blackadder : I thought so! And I bet your mother made you wear shorts right up to your final year.

  Prince Ludwig : Shut up! SHUT UP! When I am King of England, no one will ever dare call me Shorty Greasy Spot-Spot again!

• Blackadder : Who the hell are you, sausage breath?

  Mad Prince Ludwig : You do not remember me then, Herr Blackadder?

  Blackadder : I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

  Mad Prince Ludwig : Oh, on the contrary. We have met many times, although you knew me by another name. Do you recall a mysterious black marketeer and smuggler called Otto with whom you used to dine and plot and play ze biscuit game at ze old pizzel in Dover?

  Blackadder : My God!

  Mad Prince Ludwig : Yes! I... was the waitress!

  Blackadder : I don't believe it! You? Big Sally?

  Mad Prince Ludwig : [falsetto]  Will you have another piece of pie, my Lord?

  Blackadder : But I went to bed with you, didn't I?

  Mad Prince Ludwig : For my country, I am willing to make any sacrifice.

  Blackadder : Yes, well I'm not. I must have been paralytic!

• Prince Ludwig : Forgive me, Herr Blackadder... I have been neglecting my duties as a host. Please accept my a-po'-lo'-gies.

  Blackadder : I accept nothing from a man who imprisons his guests in a commode.

• Blackadder : Oh, yes. We are proud of our comic serving-wench voice, aren't we? Just because we can say 'Zur' instead of 'Sir,' it seems at all social gatherings the tedious little turd who keeps putting on amusing voices.

  Prince Ludwig : [miffed]  BE QUIET!

  Blackadder : What else have you got in your astoundingly inventive repertoire, I wonder? Aaah, a brilliant drunk Glasweigan, no doubt. An hilarious black man: 'See you Jimmy, where am dat watty-melon?' Oh, fabulous. I can't wait for your side-splitting poof, and that funny little croaky one who isn't anyone in particular, but is such a scream. And most of all, I like the one you do all the time, the fatheaded German chamber pot standing in front of me.

• Prince Ludwig : Unless she pays up, you die. Howwibly.

  Blackadder : She will pay up. And then within a week, you die. Howwibly howwibly.

  Prince Ludwig : You find yourself amusing, Blackadder.

  Blackadder : I try not to fly in the face of public opinion.

  Prince Ludwig : Y'know, I think, I think that a week from now, you'll be less in the mood for being amusing.

  Blackadder : At least when I am in the mood, I can be amusing.

• Prince Ludwig : I shall read it to you.

  Blackadder : Ah, typical master criminal, loves the sound of his own voice.

• Prince Ludwig : [laughs]  Oh, what joy. See how you collapse before me you great and corruptible English nobs. So proud of your great, big 'stiff upper lips'.

• Prince Ludwig : I shall return and wreak my rewengey!

  Blackadder : No you won't, you will die and be buried.

  [throws knife at him] 

• Prince Ludwig : Baaaaaa!