Kaamelott (2004–2009)

Jean-Robert Lombard: Père Blaise, prêtre de Kaamelott, Père Blaise, Père Blaise - Prêtre de Kaamelott

Photos 

Quotes 

• Père Blaise : Ok, this is how it sounds "Chevaliers Perceval and Karadoc boldy boarded the boat, slew the giant serpent and were welcomed back to the village as heroes". How's that?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : Good.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Except we didn't get on a boat.

  Père Blaise : What then?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : Nothing. We were at the edge of the lake. I just took off my boots.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : We had water up to our knees.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : And the giant serpent attacked you at the edge of the lake.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Yes.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : In that much

  [about three feet] 

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : water.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : Yes.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : How big was this giant serpent?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : About this long

  [about two feet] 

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : .

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : So basically you caught an eel.

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : It's the smallest ones you have to watch out for.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : They're fast.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : The villagers welcomed you back as heros?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : They're overrun by eels. Catching one does them a favour.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : You're not fish wardens!

  Père Blaise : So will you be going back?

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : It's a long way.

  Karadoc, chevalier de Vannes : 40 days to get there.

  Perceval, chevalier du pays de Galles : The same to get back.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : The time you were away three months it was that?

  Père Blaise : I don't know how I'm gonna make this sound good.

• Père Blaise : It mustn't be forgotten that without the Romans we'd be just a bunch of yokels wading around in the mud.

• [Arthur, his knights and Père Blaise are meeting at the round table] 

  Galessin, Duc d'Orcanie : Sire, I'm trying to understand.

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : We've succeeded in catching the cattle thief, but he refuses to tell us the name of his accomplice: what are we waiting for?

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : What are we waiting for?

  [checking with Père Blaise] 

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : He still doesn't want to talk?

  Père Blaise : Still not. He says that we get on his nerves.

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : Even better.

  Galessin, Duc d'Orcanie : Who does he think we are, I ask you!

  Bohort, chevalier : What do you want us to do about it?

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : We're not lacking in solutions.

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : It's true that it's curious, this not wanting to torture. Where does it come from?

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : It comes from my home. There's no torture, that's all.

  Bohort, chevalier : It's good that.

  Galessin, Duc d'Orcanie : Yes, it's very good. Very modern.

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : And while we're waiting the accomplice is getting away.

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : [to Arthur]  Torture, it's not what you think! When it's done by a pro there's not a drop of blood.

  Calogrenant, Roi d'Ecosse : Just taking the tools out he cracks.

  Arthur, roi de Bretagne : And if he doesn't crack?

  Léodagan, roi de Carmélide : Ah well, then it's butchery!

• Bohort, chevalier : We make the changes as the occur.

  Père Blaise : Well make them yourself, I've had enough, I give up.

  [pause] 

  Père Blaise : Sorry. I'd just finished a superb 's'.