Drawn Together (2004–2007)

Jess Harnell: Captain Hero, Bizarro Captain Hero

Photos 

Quotes 

• Captain Hero : I could stick and stir anyone of these broads, but I really wish we had one of those sexy black chicks

  Foxxy Love : [Opens Door]  Bling bling! Foxxy Love is in the house!

  Captain Hero : Damn, I am good! I wish we had a twelve-year-old girl and a donkey!

  [camera shifts from the door to Captain Hero several times; nothing happens] 

  Captain Hero : Damn.

• Captain Hero : Hey, pig! Great news!

  Wooldoor Sockbat : Foxxy just bought us an insane amount of alcohol!

  Captain Hero : Are you defecating into a cantalope?

  Spanky Ham : [farts]  Uh... this is awkward. I guess if I waited an hour, I coulda blamed it on the booze.

• Princess Clara : What is this thing in my mouth? / It's slippery and it's slimy / Travelling down my slender virgin pink esophagus. / Some black chick's tongue. / It's such a new sensation.

  Foxxy Love : I got a mayonnaise mama on my lickin' hole / And we've only just begun...

  Princess Clara : It's really quite thrilling...

  Foxxy Love : It's right. Now you know...

  Princess Clara : I can taste a filling...

  Foxxy Love : And it's solid gold...

  Princess Clara : I never dreamed I would be so willing / To let myself go.

  Foxxy Love : Tell me about it! / I'm totally frenching a racist 'ho!

  Princess Clara , Foxxy Love : This black chick's tongue

  Princess Clara : What a wonderful feeling

  Foxxy Love : Damn where'd this bitch get her earrings?

  Princess Clara : I've never had so much fun

  Princess Clara , Foxxy Love : As with this black chick's tongue.

  Captain Hero : How cool is this? / We've only been here a day / And I already find myself in a 3-way!

• Princess Clara : [about her octopussoir]  Oh, please, please don't tell anybody. I'm afraid that I must ask you guys to keep my secret with a pinky swear!

  Foxxy Love : I pinky swear.

  Toot Braunstein : [They look at Toot]  FINE! I pinky swear.

  [Clara's octopussoir also pinky swears] 

  Captain Hero : [knocks on door]  Clara, Toot told us that you have a monster for a vagina and we want to have a meeting about it.

  Princess Clara : How is that even possible?

  [Foxxy and Clara stare at Toot] 

  Toot Braunstein : Oopsey-Tootsey! I couldn't help myself.

• Xandir : You used to care about me!

  Captain Hero : What?

  Xandir : You used to say I was pretty!

  Captain Hero : No, I didn't!

  Xandir : You used to dress up for me!

  Captain Hero : Only that one time!

• Captain Hero : Here's to the tiniest ass you can tap without setting off an Amber Alert!

• Foxxy Love : [the housemates have to vote on whether or not to keep Foxxy]  You know this vote is total crap. She was totally into it! You saw us tongue-bang it!

  Captain Hero : Sorry Foxxy, but if I vote you out now, I'll be one step closer to the million dollars!

  Foxxy Love : Million dollars? You know this ain't one of them kinda shows right? Ain't no prizes!

  Captain Hero : [aside in the confessional]  Ah, silly Foxxy. She'll never win the million dollars with *that* kind of attitude!

• Ling-Ling's Father : [looks around the confessional room]  Huh? What is this place?

• Toot Braunstein : Blah, blah, blah! I'm Captain Hero and I can fly! And I...

  Captain Hero : Do you mind, Fudgy? I'm on the phone!

  Toot Braunstein : I don't care! I got to call my AA sponsor!

  Captain Hero : [in a girlish voice]  I said I'm on the phone!

• Captain Hero : [while playing spin the bottle with Spanky Ham and Wooldoor sockbat]  Hey! If you're gonna be gay about this, you can't play!

• Captain Hero : I would've been more pissed at Spanky, but you know, I just won FIFTY DOLLARS!

• Captain Hero : Oho! We fell for the ol' neck-sprain, well-lit pie diversion.

• Captain Hero : Jerk-off assholes...

• Captain Hero : Don't make me kick your ass!

  Wooldoor Sockbat : Don't make me suck your cock!

  Captain Hero : Don't make me cuddle you like a baby!

  Wooldoor Sockbat : Don't make me suck your cock!