Time Gentlemen Please (2000–2002)
Al Murray: Guv
Photos
Quotes
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Guv : It's a pint for the fella, glass of white wine, fruit based drink for the ladies.
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Guv : Back off Brussels!
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Guv : Oh dear, what a pity, never mind.
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[Leslie stands up menacingly]
Guv : Crisps! Crisps!
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Guv : Still, it's been a year!
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Guv : Terry, you master of disguise!
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Guv : What's gotten into you?
Janet Wilson : It's what's not gotten into me that's the problem.
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Guv : I don't have any talent.
Terry Brook : That's not true, Guv. You can talk burp.
Guv : [Burp talks] Yes I can.
Terry Brook : Not as impressive as talk farting tho.
[Farts the word sausages]
Guv : Sausages!
Terry Brook : Yeah, but the real talent is, it even smells like sausages!
Guv : [Bends down to smell Terrys bum] Yes, it's definitely a pork smell, leak...
[Tony Harris walks into the pub]
Guv : Oh, no, Tony. It's not what it looks like!
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Guv : You can say what you like about the filthy, stinking, treacherous, German hun. But you have to respect 'em.
Marcel : No! Do not fill my French ear with such words.
[Marcel spits on the floor]
Guv : Yea, you have to respect 'em, you don't have to capitulate quite so often but you have to respect 'em. You see the thing about the Germans is it's all above board, they're perfectly clear about what they're ambition is, it's world domination! By any means possible. They're up to something, but they're telling us about it. Not like you lot, sneaking around, I mean look at the words that the French have given the English, "espionage", "sabotage", "camouflage", "fromage".
[shouts]
Guv : You're up to somethin'!
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Guv : Rules is rules and if we didn't have rules then where would we be?... That's right...
Everybody : [shout] France!
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Guv : Hold on, Terry! Aren't you barred?
Terry Brook : Uhm, I don't think so...
Steve Crosby : Yes!...
[long explanation ending with]
Steve Crosby : Gary.
[the dog]
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Guv : Aussies, they're built for bar work, it's instinct.
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Guv : I was never confused!
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Guv : The only thing lucky about the Ireland is they're further away from France than we are.
