The Diceman Cometh (1989 TV Special)

Andrew Dice Clay: Self

Quotes 

• Andrew Dice Clay : C'mon baby, lose the bra.

• Andrew Dice Clay : [first line during show]  I got my tongue up this chick's ass.

• Andrew Dice Clay : Hickory Dickory Dock. Some chick's been sucking my cock. Clock struck two, dropped my goo...

  Andrew Dice Clay , Audience : ...Dumped the bitch down the next block!

• [talking to a couple in the audience] 

  Andrew Dice Clay : Panties? You shouldn't be wearing panties. D-Don't you read the gynaecological reports!

  [uproarious laughter] 

  Andrew Dice Clay : You get that-that moisture build-up which leads to you know, the yeast thing.

  [more laughter] 

  Andrew Dice Clay : I mean, you're making *bread* down there, baby.

  [more laughter] 

  Andrew Dice Clay : And after the guy eats a loaf-and-a-half he gets FULL!

  [more laughter] 

• Andrew Dice Clay : Jack and Jill went up the hill, each witk a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two-fifty, OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

  Andrew Dice Clay , Audience : WHAT A FUCKING WHORE!

• Andrew Dice Clay : Well, I'm glad you people listened and take some advice. You can do anything you want, take it from Dice. Always knew I'd make it, I never had a doubt. Life's like sex baby. The more you put in, Oh! The more you get out. End of story.