On the 2nd Day of Christmas (1997) (TV)

User Rating:

5.7/10   

Director:

James Frawley

Writer (WGA):

Brian Hohlfeld (written by)

Release Date:

8 December 1997 (USA)

Genre:

Comedy | Family

Plot:

Con-woman Trish and her niece/ward Patsy are caught trying to steal from a department store right before Christmas...

Cast

Mary Stuart Masterson	...	Patricia 'Trish' Tracy
Mark Ruffalo	...	Bert
Lauren Pratt	...	Patsy Tracy (as Lauren Suzanne Pratt)
David Hewlett	...	Mel
James Purcell	...	Bill
Lawrence Dane	...	Mr. Limber
Howard Hesseman	...	David
Arlene Meadows	...	Mom
Ed Sahely	...	Mickey
Judah Katz	...	Pruitt
Richard Blackburn	...	Jerry
John Boylan	...	Man in Overcoat
Domenico Fiore	...	Ed the Bartender (as Dom Fiore)
Patrick Patterson	...	Uncle Don
Victoria Snow	...	Mindy

Runtime:

120 min (including commercials)

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Filming Locations:

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Company:

ABC Pictures

Quotes:

Trish: Are you hurt?
Bert: No! How can I be hurt? I just threw my family jewels full force against a freezing metal fence!
Trish: Oh good, as long as you're not hurt

Gives Christmas movies a bad name

"On the 2nd Day of Christmas" is absolute torture. It is the cinematic equivalent of coal in your stocking. Here is a movie so unpleasant and manipulative that you will have to take a cold shower just to remove the swarminess.

I have never disliked a Christmas movie so much. It tries to shamelessly manipulate our feelings. This is the kind of movie that Roger Ebert would describe as "taking tears by liposuction". That's how desperate these filmmakers are to move us. Well, it moved me. Off the couch at the halfway point. I usually sit through an entire movie, no matter how bad. But an hour and 10 minutes of this tripe was more than I could bear.

With a more organized and thoughtful screenplay, this could have been a good movie. But this script has several fatal flaws. First, there are no sympathetic or likable characters. When by the twenty minute mark, you want to throw your female lead out the window, you know you're in trouble. Second, the film is overly predictable. We know what's going to happen and sure enough, I successfully predicted everything that happened after the opening ten minutes. Third, the performances feel by the numbers. There's no life or flavor, just routine unpleasantness.

Do yourself a favor. Instead of wasting two hours of your life, read a book, do a jigsaw puzzle, go out for a walk. Just don't watch this movie.

zero stars (out of four)