Very Bad Things (1998)
Jeremy Piven: Michael Berkow
Photos
Quotes
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Michael Berkow : [to Adam] Your kid is one crutch short of a telethon, you've got a frigid, swamp-hog wife...
Adam Berkow : [Grabbing Michael] You fucking...
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Tina : You know it's 500, right?
Mike : Yeah. Oh, yeah, no problem. Yeah, I mean... 500 of my dollars?
Tina : Right. Right.
Mike : But I thought... Boyd didn't pay?
Tina : No, Boyd didn't pay. It's 500.
Mike : Cool.
Tina : Straight sex, nothing kinky. Just...
Mike : No, no, no. I'm not gonna try to use you as a hand puppet or anything. I just wanna...
Tina : Okay.
Mike : ...make sweet love to you because you have no idea what you've gotten into.
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Adam Berkow : You fucking murderer!
Michael Berkow : You're a fucking loser! You're a loser!
Robert Boyd : [Forcibly walking Michael to his jeep] We need to take a time out!
Adam Berkow : Go home! Go home, you fucking murderer!
Michael Berkow : Fuckin' loser!
Adam Berkow : GO HOME, YOU FUCKING MURDERER!
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Mike : Dad used to bring home these sparklers for me and Adam, you know? (laughs) Sparklers! We'd go out back, the three of us - and we'd hold it up to the sky and watch the explosions of light and the sparks, you know, and Dad would be all "Wait for it! Here it comes! Watch for it! Here comes the wahoo!"
Kyle : Wahoo?
Mike : Wahoo. The sparkler would burn hot, then hotter, then even hotter, and then there'd be this one moment of pure burn when that little fucker would cook perfect, just perfect. It would only last a second, but that second was *it*. And *that's* what Dad had us looking for, man.
Kyle : The wahoo moment?
Mike : That's exactly right. Man - burning at his absolute. All the forces coming together - burning - just perfect, perfect harmony. That's what I'm driving at. Are you with me?
Kyle : I think so.
Mike : I have been looking for that flash. I've been looking and I've been looking, and I can't find it. What if it already happened, you know? My moment! What if it already happened and I didn't see it?
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Michael Berkow : We were playing. She bumped her head.
Adam Berkow : Bumped? BUMPED? She's got a fuckin' spike in her head!
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Robert Boyd : Time for some serious self-exploration - how do I function. For real! No more bullshit. Can I keep my cool when they bounce my bananas, when they won't play my song, etc, etc, etc. Do you get me? DO YOU GET ME?
Michael Berkow : Not really, no.
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[while trying to pray after burying Tina and the guard]
Adam Berkow : This is pathetic.
Michael Berkow : YOU'RE pathetic.
Adam Berkow : What did you say?
Michael Berkow : [Pointing at him] You're not a team player.
Adam Berkow : Don't point at me.
Michael Berkow : You've never been a team player, that's why you don't have any friends.
Adam Berkow : What're you talking about? I have friends.
Michael Berkow : The hell you do.
Adam Berkow : The hell I don't.
Michael Berkow : You have acquaintances. Superficial golf-buddies.
[Pointing at him again]
Michael Berkow : You've never been a team player.
Adam Berkow : Don't point at me!
Michael Berkow : You have some serious male-on-male intimacy problems!
Adam Berkow : What're you fucking talking about?
Michael Berkow : You can't deal with men!
Kyle Fisher : Guys, maybe now's not the time for this...
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Michael Berkow : Mr. Fucking Minivan!
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Mike : Look at 'em. I'm amazed the windows don't blow out of their fucking sockets with all the ass-puckering rage in these soulless lizards.
Kyle : I just want her to be happy.
Mike : The same alarm clock every morning, same two pops on the same snooze button, same shower, towel, toothbrush, razor, blazer, hair pump, gel spray. It's a fucking epidemic, Fisher. You're getting married, baby. I'm not going to candy-coat it - it just gets worse. It's an eighteen-wheel cement truck that's going to crush every bone in your big body.
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Michael Berkow : I killed my brother.
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Michael Berkow : You never gave a damn about anyone but yourself.
Adam Berkow : Yeah, well you're a little fuckin' reject.
Michael Berkow : Yeah, well you eat my ass.
[Kicks Adam's minivan]
Adam Berkow : Hey!
Michael Berkow : Eat my fuckin' ass!
[Kicks his minivan again]
Adam Berkow : If you ever touch my minivan again, you're gonna be very sorry, brother! Very fucking sorry!
Michael Berkow : You are a LOSER!
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Adam Berkow : I might just turn your little pathetic ass in! How about that, pal?
Michael Berkow : You think you're so fuckin' righteous? You were right there with us, side by fuckin' side!
