George of the Jungle (1997)
John Cleese: An Ape Named 'Ape'
Photos
Quotes
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Beatrice Stanhope : Arthur, I wish you would do something about all these monkeys. I feel like Jane Goodall.
Ape : Madam, I knew Jane Goodall and you are no Jane Goodall.
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Max : Let's take care of him.
George : Huh?
[Max and Thor pick George up and ram head into cage]
Ape : Why didn't you come sooner?
George : Why Ape have little stars around head?
[Max and Thor pull George out, tickles him, and rams head back in]
Ape : George, remember everything I told you about Queensbury rules and fighting fair?
George : Uh-huh.
Ape : Well, now's a good time to forget it.
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Ape : "George's secrets". There's the shortest book ever written.
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Ape : I'm hungry!
Thor : Oh, shut up. You've been yakkin' for two days straight, and I'm gettin' mad enough to...
Ape : You know, you really should work on your anger. Have you tried Brankowski's "Cage the Rage" technique?
Max : Don't let him get to you, Thor. He's just an ape.
Ape : That's a fine way to talk to your meal ticket. You keep that up, it's liable to affect my stage performance.
Max : Give him a banana, Thor. It won't be long now.
Thor : That's what you said yesterday! This trail is taking us to the middle of nowhere!
Max : The sign at the trail head said "Short cut to Ape River." Now, why would it say "short cut" if it wasn't a...
Max : [pause] Wait a minute. Maybe it's a fake, a decoy trail.
Ape : Very good, Max. Actually, the trail is a fake. It circles Ape Mountain six times before heading right back to the tree house.
Thor : [groaning in frustration] Ohh! Oh, I knew we was lost.
Max : Don't listen to him, Thor. He's just tryin' to trick us, lead us off the short cut so we take twice as long on the regular trail.
Thor : We're already taking twice as long!
Max : Are you gonna let a monkey make a monkey out of ya?
Thor : What?
Ape : Duh!
Max : Let's go. If he tells us the short cut leads to the tree house, then that's exactly where it doesn't lead.
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[Ursula screams at the sight of Ape]
George : No, no! It's all right! Ape friend! Ape make your breakfast!
Ursula Stanhope : [panicky] What does it want? What does it want?
Ape : "It" wants "its" Physician's Desk Reference, if you don't mind. Unless you'd rather die of dengue fever, of course.
Ursula Stanhope : [laughing hysterically] That is very funny!
Ape : [sarcastic] Ha, ha, ha...
Ursula Stanhope : I thought I heard the monkey talk!
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Ape : [after George has swung into a tree, knocking himself out] Ladies and Gentlemen; I give you the 'King of the Jungle'.
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[reaching the end of a long trail]
Thor : Max, look! We're back at the tree house!
Ape : Well, I tried, but you fellas are just too smart for me.
Max : Oh, no!
Narrator : "Oh, no" was right! Because even at that moment...
Thor : [looking up] Hey! Why don't you say something constructive for a change, like what we should do now?
Narrator : Because I don't like you.
Thor : Well, I hate you, you snotty son of a...
Narrator : I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
[there is a thunderous bang, and both Thor and Max stagger, as though hit]
Narrator : Having some fun now, huh?
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[as Thor aims his rifle at Shep, Ape roars and jumps out of the treehouse, landing the ground]
Ape : Run, Shep! Run for your life!
Max : Did that monkey just speak?
Thor : That monkey just spoke!
Ursula Stanhope : I *knew* it!
Lyle Van de Groot : He *talked*!
Max : [to Thor] Shoot it now.
Ape : [turns and notices Max and Thor] Hmm?
Max : [lowers Thor's rifle] With the tranquilizer gun, you idiot! The ape's worth a fortune!
George : *No*!
[runs towards Ape]
Lyle Van de Groot : [aims his handgun at George] Stop or I'll shoot!
[shoots George in slow motion]
Ape : No!
Lyle Van de Groot : No!
Ursula Stanhope : George!
[fade to white]
Narrator : Whoo! OK, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the hero.
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[last lines]
Ape : [sings] I aced it all and I stood tall, and did it my way.
