Sabrina the Teenage Witch (1996–2003)

Nick Bakay: Salem Saberhagen

Photos 

7 more photos

Quotes 

• [a spell turns Salem blonde] 

  Salem : I'm blonde! My IQ just dropped 20 points!

  Zelda : [pointing to each of the Spellman women]  Blonde, blonde, blonde.

  [points at Salem] 

  Zelda : Dead.

• Salem : Dogs guard; cats watch... and judge.

• Sabrina : You are so weird!

  Salem : [nodding]  It helps break up the day.

• Salem : Finally! I'm free! I have no place to go.

• Hilda : What's my bra doing on the roof?

  Salem : Erm, the squirrels needed a nutfeeder...

• Zelda : What's the matter?

  Sabrina : What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.

  Salem : At least you still have your thumbs... and a door on your bathroom!

• [a bird is twittering outside the window] 

  Salem : Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Why must you keep tormenting me?

• Valerie : Gordy, are you even aware that there's a dance on Friday?

  Salem : I'll pick you up at 8. What kind of flowers do you like?

  Valerie : Surprise me!

  Salem : That means roses.

• Harvey Kinkle : A penny saved is a penny earned.

  Salem : Don't eat the yellow snow.

• Salem : Hello, this is your guard speaking. Harvey is at the front door, and send me a sandwich!

• Hilda : I just haven't turned myself into wind in years.

  Salem : Would cabbage help?

• [All of Salem's mined magic is used on Sabrina] 

  Salem : Well, at least I'm young. No, that's Sabrina. Well, at least I have my own magic. No, wait, that's Sabrina. At least I'm a biped, no, no, wait, THAT'S SABRINA!

• Salem : Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony.

  Zelda : I'm gonna write him a very stern letter.

  Salem : You're a regular Mad Max aren't ya?

• Salem : [playing with a tassel on a cushion]  Don't you toy with me you saucy minx!

• Salem : [speaking to a dog - subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen which read; go get me the meat of the...]  Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof, oh shoot i forgot the word for floor, oh yeah, woof

• Salem : Earthquake!

  Zelda : But we're in Massachusetts.

  Sabrina : [Looks out the window]  Is that a beanstalk?

  Salem : Beanstalk!

• Sabrina : [about the Washing Machine engineer, who has a tail]  He can't stay! He has a tail!

  Salem : What's wrong with having a tail?

• Salem : I'm gonna be tossed out into the snow on my nicely rounded buttocks.

• Zelda : Okay... do you know where to call in case of an emergency?

  Salem : THE MONEY STORE?

  Zelda : Salem!

  Salem : Yes... I've got your pager number.