Tapeheads (1988)

John Cusack: Ivan Alexeev

Photos 

Quotes 

• Josh Tager : Look, Ivan... I hope you're not putting too much faith in me. I don't even know if I...

  Ivan Alexeev : "IF"? Instant Failure! "FEAR" - False Evidence Appearing Real! We've talked about this!

• Ivan Alexeev : You look ravishing and I'd like to chew on your thighs.

  Samantha Gregory : I thought we had a professional relationship.

  Ivan Alexeev : So I'll pay.

• Ivan Alexeev : Josh, losing those jobs is the best thing that ever happened to us! We're free to pursue our destiny!

  Josh Tager : What, abysmal failure?

  Ivan Alexeev : Negativity festers in you, man!

• Mo Fuzz : Am I crying?

  Ivan Alexeev , Josh Tager : No.

  Mo Fuzz : Well I wouldn't be surprised if I was!

• Mo Fuzz : All this video is missing is production values.

  Ivan Alexeev , Josh Tager : Production values?

  Mo Fuzz : Yeah. Tits and ass.

• Josh Tager : How long do we stave off the inevitable?

  Ivan Alexeev : Til they wrench the blood from our bloody hands.

• [Ivan & Josh explain their tardiness to their security boss] 

  Ivan : Anybody else who'd save Pablo Casales - perhaps the greatest cellist in the world with the possible exception of Yo-Yo Ma - from a fiery car wreck on Sunset Boulevard would be bragging about it, but not Josh. He didn't want to spoil the 11 o'clock news for you.

  Norton : Don't bullshit me. I'm a big cello fan! Casales died years ago!

• [watching a music video] 

  Josh Tager : Stupid. Inane. Vapid. Mind-rot. Stench. Pabulum.

  Ivan Alexeev : Yeah, it's all right!

• [after being "HA!"-ed] 

  Ivan Alexeev : I'm gonna make him eat that syllable.

• Ivan Alexeev : You know, Josh, in primitive societies, after they sever the umbilical cord, they eat the placenta in a ritualistic ceremony.

  [bites into a burger] 

  Ivan Alexeev : Want a bite?

• Belinda Mart : Ivan, why aren't you helping Josh set up the equipment?

  Ivan Alexeev : He's an artist. He's hands-on. You know what I do? I use my selling techniques to give my artist friend the personal freedom he needs. Freedom, choices, possibilities. That's what I'm about. The boring administrative stuff, you know? I envy him.

  [beat] 

  Ivan Alexeev : Can you get me another drink?

  Belinda Mart : Sure.

• Ivan Alexeev : It's product placement, man. Backbone of music videos.

• Ivan : You, you've got no ambition! You're content just existing! You need what I've got, brother.

  Josh : Herpes?

• Ivan Alexeev : [to Josh]  Negativity festers in you, man!