Student Confidential (1986) User Reviews

A Shocking Message for Today's Troubled Teens- or not. Whatever.

[zmaturin · 30 June 2001]

This flick is nutty! I's about a suicidal, bug-eyed millionaire business consultant who decides to chuck it all and become a high-school guidance counselor. He spouts lots of nonsensical, preachy speeches that don't make a lick of sense, and with every line his twitchy face runs through dozens of emotions. We're never sure if he's happy, sad, sad but pretending to be happy, happy but pretending to be sad, surprised, angry, longing, or just gassy. It's a hilarious tour-de-force performance. At no point do we get a hold on his motivation or personality, learning what drives him, why he cares about kids, or why he has a death wish. Sometimes he's a jerk, sometimes we're supposed to like him. He's rich and influential, but also impotent and has fantasies about ghosts attacking him. He pays drug dealers to beat him.

Despite his suicidal tendencies, he's trying to help four troubled teens. The silliest subplot is the one about the blonde chick who lives in a room full of classy artwork and sleeps nude under gold sheets, but is unpopular because of the scar on her face- at least, that's what the movie says. I believe she's unpopular because she's really stupid and has an incredibly annoying Southern accent. Mr. Bug-Eyes gets the top fashion designers of the world to create a hot new look for her that will draw attention away from her "horrible disfigurement", but all they do it paste some of her hair over the scar. It's really absurd.

There's also a computer nerd, played by Michael Jackson's brother Marlon, and a blue-color guy whose father wants him to be an accountant, played by Micheal Douglas' brother Eric. The fourth student is a sexy gal using sex to get ahead in show business, but I don't know if she has a famous brother named Michael.

Other characters include Mr. Bug-Eyes' secretary, who seems like she should be his love interest but isn't. She's played by Ronee Blakley (the mother in "A Nightmare on Elm Street") and only appears on one set, like she was only there for one day of filming. In one scene she crosses her fingers and nods her head in a way that makes her look completely insane. In another she over-waters a plant while eavesdropping and mouths the word "F*ck" in a really funny way. We also meet the school principal and his secretary (who are never seen in the same frame with any other characters) and Mr. Bug-Eyes' adulterous wife, who turns some sheets into a fancy evening gown while yelling at Mr. Bug-Eyes.

This movie is so odd that I'm not doing it justice here. It's bizarrely paced and strangely photographed. Some scenes are too artsy, some are just incompetent. The art direction, music, and dialog are all crazy. But the icing on this cinematic crap cake is the aforementioned performance by writer-director Richard Horian as Mr. Bug-Eyes. It truly must be experienced to be believed.

Incoherent and inept

[movieman_kev · 1/10 · 20 January 2010]

Michael Drake (Richard Horian who also wrote & directed this film), a self-made millionaire with a frigid cheating bitch for a wife takes a job as a high school guidance counselor taking it upon himself to help four wayward students.

Wow now this was a mess of a movie. The 'plot' is all kinds of disjointed and the ending is rather confusing. The acting's abysmal and quite frankly I can't think of any saving grace that the movie has whatsoever. Atrocious even by Troma's lax standards. I feel dumber just having watched this.

Eye Candy: Susie Scott and Paula Sorenson both show boobs & bush; Elizabeth Singer just shows her boobs

My Grade: F

peculiar

[ethylester · 10/10 · 17 July 2002]

Yes, this movie is very strange. VERY STRANGE. One of the strangest movies I've ever seen, I can see why Troma picked it up.

There's just something odd about it that you don't see in other movies. Maybe it's the counselor's facial expressions or the overacting or the weird idea that plastering hair onto your face to hide a giant scar is gonna make everyone you used to know not recognize you and suddenly think you are incredibly sexy.

Or maybe it's the weird characters, or maybe it's Marlon Jackson's pleasant voice or the counselor's unemotional, cordial way of speaking. I think it's mainly his face that makes the movie so strange. This guy really has a weird face and a strange way of moving his face around.

Or maybe the effect of the movie comes in part from why are people storing pillows, stuffed animals and blown up beach balls in their lockers at school? What is with the triumphant scene of the dude in the boiler room reaching out to touch the pipes like he's in mechanical heaven or something??

And what is with the counselor's dream where some old lady comes to attack him? It has nothing to do with the movie at all.

His wife is strange, too. Even though she takes advantage of his money and seems slimey for it, she's really the only one who makes much sense when she opens here mouth. Everyone else is crazed.

And the best part is the last line. It leaves you lingering like, "what? that's it? how can they end it like that?" It's not really an ending.

And what's with the weird nude scene where the girl is standing there naked with her arms out looking like a yeti or something? It's not very sexy, it's just weird. and her accent? is that real?

So rent this one, you will be utterly confused while visions of this guy's face (namely his eyes) will haunt you for at least two days. Then you'll think about the movie on and off for the rest of the week and somehow feel an urge to watch it again to see if you can catch something the second time around that will make the movie make sense in your mind. In actuality, the movie is even stranger the second time around.

Strange and bad but memorable b-movie

[Antoine Tremblay · 13 July 2008]

This is one of the most unique b-movie that I saw in my lifetime. Like some other comment said earlier, only Troma could have pick this one up. For sure the direction, the acting and the score was atrocious but there was a sincerity in it that I could just feel. Some of today's blockbuster's films just can't have sincerity.

Now don't get me wrong, the film was crap but I will give credit for at least trying to be authentic. Some of the lines in this film are just way too much over the top and the overall feeling is one of biting in a lemon. But still, I have seen worse and I had some entertainment watching this. Oh and the actress who is playing Nancy's mother in Nightmare on Elm Street is in this, talk about a bad acting.

The fake trashy feeling of the school reminded me of films like Savage Streets and Class of 1984. Think I have a soft spot for bad movies like these one because I'll keep it in my collection. So if you are not scared by bad films, this one is but a strangely memorable one.

Despite some trivial faults, well worth viewing!

[JohnHowardReid · 8/10 · 26 May 2017]

Although most of the opinions on this movie's worthiness are diverse, one "fact" seems to be common, namely that the film is not worth seeing. I disagree. For one thing, whether you like the film or not, you certainly can't say that it's the usual bottom-of-the- barrel fare, produced on the cheap. In fact, it actually looks like a rather expensive production. True, the eagle-eyed may feel that the movie relies too much on close-ups, but there are some big action scenes as well, plus a little female nudity here and there. Basically, it's an account of a misfit psychologist, employed as a school counselor. This role is eagerly and expertly played by Richard Horian, the movie's director. Horian presents the character as a typical hero, but then starts chipping away at him. In fact, all the acting is first class.

Despite Lloyd Kaufman's typical introduction on the DVD package, this movie is actually far from the usual Troma fare. Not only is all the acting first class, but the film certainly packs in a large amount of action, some of it very expensively staged.

Although the movie is often directed in TV style with lots of close- ups, the device does not become wearisome – partly due to the skill of the director and the ambiance of the players themselves. An effort has been made to fill the cast with famous family "names", but, as a general rule, players like John Milford easily outshine "names" like Eric Douglas.

All told, this is definitely not the usual Troma fare – despite the usual Lloyd Kaufman introduction in which he describes the movie as "teenage dynamite" – which is true to some extent, but the movie is actually middle age and old age dynamite. Available on an otherwise excellent Troma DVD.

The worst (best) movie ever!

[thisisagreataspic · 10/10 · 31 October 2012]

This film is so phenomenally awful that you will wonder throughout whether it's intentionally campy and satirical. It isn't. That's the beauty of Student Confidential, a testament to the best and worst of the '80s. You will never see acting, directing, plot or cinematography this bad in a movie that was honestly trying to be good.

So watch it if you can and prepare to laugh until it hurts. Just try to keep in mind that this is supposed to be a serious commentary on wayward youth, the power of money, and well, who cares anyway? The film doesn't want to be a forgotten B-movie -- this is Richard Horian's desperate attempt to become the next John Hughes, not the next Ed Wood. It's a glorious accomplishment.

People of the eighties were not ready for such a film !

[zanzy3 · 10/10 · 10 September 2003]

With better actors , and the funding of an `A` film the producer could have made us forgotten forever The Breakfast Club ! He probably had in his hands the best scenario about the passage of individuals to the world of adults .This film is really showing us at what point we could be confused at the end of our teen years . All the roles in some way seems to be stereotypical ...But none of their emotional responses ..It's like real life is .

For instance when the school adviser came up early from work he surprises his wife with another man in bed .he is not angry ! he shows extreme sadness and pain .He sees his life crumbling down and instead taking his gun he takes his camera and before entering into the room he is making one or two shots ...but the camera is pointing down at his feet ...it's like he refuses to see how his own life is turning ...nobody in this flick is an hero everyone in this plot has something to learn . It's the only American film who sees life from that point.