You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown (1972 TV Short)

Stephen Shea: Linus van Pelt

Quotes 

• Linus van Pelt : If I'm elected, my first act as president will be to appear before the School Board.

  [Lucy whispers in his ear] 

  Linus van Pelt : I'm sorry. I will not be able to appear before the School Board. They meet at 8:00, and I go to bed at 7:30.

• Linus van Pelt : If I'm elected student body president, I will purge the kingdom! My administration will release us from our spiritual Babylon! My andministration will bring down all false idols in high places!

  Schroeder : I wonder why the principal looks so pale.

• Linus van Pelt : In my administration, children will be children, and adults will be adults!

• Sally Brown : Well, I hope you told him.

  Linus van Pelt : Well, not really. As a matter of fact, he told me.

  Sally Brown : He sold out! We elected him, and he sold out! They're all the same! Promises, promises! You elect them, and they weasel out of their promises!

• Linus van Pelt : Boy, this auditorium is packed with teachers and kids.

  Lucy van Pelt : Shh! Schroeder is starting his nomination speech for you.

  Schroeder : I am here this morning to nominate for the office of school president a great young man. But first, I'd like to say a few words about Beethoven.

  Lucy van Pelt : Oh, good grief!

• Violet : I'm a reporter from our school paper, Linus. Would you care to tell us what you intend to do if you're elected?

  Linus van Pelt : I intend to straighten things out! We are in the midst of a moral decline! If I'm elected, my first act will be to meet with the parents club, the principal, and all the teachers! We're starting...

  Violet : I'll just put down that you're very honored and will do your best if elected.

  Linus van Pelt : The press is against me.

• Linus van Pelt : I decided to say a few words about the Great Pumpkin!

  Lucy van Pelt , Charlie Brown : AAAUGHH!

  Linus van Pelt : Halloween will soon be with us! And on Halloween night the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch and brings toys to all the good little children...

  [the entire auditorium laughs] 

  Linus van Pelt : I've blown the election.

• Linus van Pelt : All right, say it! Say it! Go ahead and say it! I know you want to say it! I talked too much, and I blew the election; so go ahead and say it!

  Lucy van Pelt : OH, YOU BLOCKHEAD!

  Linus van Pelt : She said it.

• Linus van Pelt : If I'm elected school president, I will demand immediate improvements! I will demand "across the board" wage increases for custodians, teachers, and all administrative personnel! And any little dog who happens to wander onto the playground will *not* be chased away, but will be welcomed with open arms!

  [cut to Snoopy sitting in the audience applauding, cheering and wolf-whistling in agreement] 

• Lucy van Pelt : Hello?

  Caller : Hello? I have a question. I want to ask this question and I want to talk to the candidate. Can I ask the candidate a question?

  Lucy van Pelt : Yes, the candidate is here.

  Linus van Pelt : Hello?

  Caller : Yes. Well, I have this question that I thought maybe if I called, I could ask you the question. Because I know that if you're going to vote for a candidate,

  [Snoopy yawns] 

  Caller : I'm kind of glad that it's good that you're having a talk show like this. Because it's kind of nice that we can call in and ask our questions, because you really can't ask questions of candidates. I don't know how you can vote for somebody, and I'm glad that I have

  [Lucy grumbles] 

  Caller : a chance to ask this question. And I hope you don't mind because I thought about this question, and I think it's good to be able to ask questions of a candidate.

  Lucy van Pelt : I have a question for *you.*

  Caller : Yes. What?

  Lucy van Pelt : What is your question?

  Caller : What? What did you say?

  Lucy van Pelt : What is your question?

  Caller : Question? Oh, my gosh! I forgot what the question is!

  [Lucy slams the receiver again in anger] 

• Linus van Pelt : It's depressing to think that there are students who don't believe in the Great Pumpkin.