1/10
Bodies by Jake
7 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This silly slasher flick is notable for exercise guru Jake Steinfeld's awful turn as the killer. In an isolated ranch house, a group of friends gather for a big meal. I see turkey, I see cranberry sauce, but no one ever mentions the word "Thanksgiving." The characters include a Mexican singer, her blustery boyfriend, a little girl, a record exec, his girlfriend, another woman, and a golden blonde couple who are the obvious heroes. Oh, I forgot the exec's son- a talking mime who plays an unplugged electric guitar. You want him to be the first to die, but we don't get everything we wish for. Everyone is dispatched one by one in the course of the evening.

While car trouble has long been a staple of this type of film, this is not satisfied with one breaking down. We have TWO cars not start, meaning the victims, I mean occupants, must get out, and walk, and die. Everyone is killed by Jake, who sports David Hasselhoff's "Knight Rider"-era hair and a big knife. The gore consists of fake blood, liberally spilled. Not only is the production amateurish, so is the post-production, as most of the dialogue, and Jake's maniacal laugh, are dubbed. The silliest aspect of the film is the amount of characters who go "looking" for other characters. Half the cast leaves and is killed, and the remaining survivors come up with the worst excuses for where they could be. How many Thanksgiving meals are interrupted by sudden trips to the local bar to watch the big game?

If you want to pity anyone (besides me for sitting through this), pity the little girl who at one point is abandoned in a dark room with killer Jake. Only after the heroic couple vacate the premises do they decide they should probably try to retrieve the defenseless child. It is this kind of stupidity that takes the smallest amount of campy fun out of this effort. In the end, Jake is un-killable because he is on PCP- at least it wasn't because of something dumb. "Home Sweet Home" is one unwelcome guest, skip it. Also known as "Slasher in the House" and "Bloodparty."
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