4/10
A Hopelessly Wooden Tale of the Famous Wooden Boy
13 August 2022
Way back in 1987, one of the least reputable animation studios back in the day, Filmation, attempted to sell out with established fairy tale stories already tackled by the Walt Disney Company. Their first effort, Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night, proved to be a disaster for both critics and audiences, and even caused the Mouse House to sue Filmation for copyright infringement. Despite Filmation winning based on the original Carlo Collodi book's public domain status and the film eventually gaining a small cult following, it still remains a thoroughly dull albeit bizarrely strange mess of a Pinocchio feature.

Set a year after Pinocchio went from a puppet to a real boy, the titular lad ends up getting swindled by an evil carnival puppet master, along with his companion glow worm and two con animals. With the concept of Pinocchio getting to live as a real boy, the film does have the right idea in mind to tell very cautious morals on not taking your freedom for granted. However, the execution is anything but intriguing, as the pacing really takes a number out of any actual arc that Pinocchio should have gone through in a straightforward manner. On top of encountering the con artists Sylvester J. Scalawag and his sidekick Igor, Pinocchio and his obnoxious glow worm friend Gee Wilikers discover numerous creatures who merely serve the story rather than be actual characters. While Puppetino does serve as an intimidating threat to the naive puppet turned boy, those scenes are far and few in between padded filler of trepid stakes with Wiliker interacting with the derivative Lt. Grumblebee. It doesn't feel like much of a Pinocchio movie since the film doesn't even know when to focus on its titular character.

To the film's credit, it does try to emulate the message that you can't always rely on your guardians to save you; in this case the blue fairy. Given all the different obstacles Pinocchio encounters in just trying to get back home, he has to do only what he can just to save himself. Unfortunately, a lot of the stakes he encounters have very little consequences, as even during his worst endeavors, some form of a magical deus ex machina or another side character will come by just to help out. In the end, as adventurous as the film feels at first, a lot of the sequences feel like repetitive Saturday morning cartoon consequences: shocking at best and safe at worst. Had the film focused a lot more on Pinocchio's development than pointless side character fodder, then we'd have more to be intrigued about. Even the titled emperor of the night has little to offer besides stealing the innocence away from children giving into temptation. When the best usage of Pinnochio getting himself out of trouble is with his nose growing when he lies, then it's a sad day when even Shrek did it better.

Although mostly known for their horrendously limited animation, Filmation did try to boost up the quality of the visuals in this movie. The results are an odd mix, with a lot of gorgeous looking backdrops and scary atmospheric landscapes being overshadowed by clunky composition and awkward staging. While the characters do move more fluidly than your standard TV cartoon, their designs feel derived from those exact kinds of cartoons, down to generic shapes in lieu of appealing anatomy. Had it not been for some impressive trippy sequences and some horrific shadows here and there, then the animation alone wouldn't have much else to offer. Speaking of the cast, even with the best efforts of people like Ed Asner, Don Knotts, Tom Bosley, William Windom, Jonathan Harris and more, not much else can be offered to a cast of characters without the slightest hint of value. Whatever songs were slapped together for the feature alone feel hopelessly dated, even for the 1980s. How can a story as beloved as Pinocchio feel this close minded music wise?

While not without its merits, Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night has little to offer outside of its gimmicky followup attraction. Unless you somehow grew up on the feature, it isn't worth recommending its cluttered storyline, paper thin characters, shoddy visuals and wooden songs to even a seven year old. Given how excited people are of Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio movie, let alone the love audiences still have of the acclaimed Disney classic, all this film deserves is a reserved spot in the hollow pits of obscure outdated fodder. After all, a film that will not be good might just as well be burned with wood.
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