I taught in secondary schools (11-18) for 17 years, and use my experience of meeting a few thousand students and parents to try to understand people and their actions. As a lifelong goth myself, I know how those who don't follow the mainstream can be typecast negatively. Judging someone of any age requires making assumptions about their character without knowing any of their previous experiences, and they are what shape our actions. We are all the outcome of the events of our lives thus far, with reactions also dictated by genetic predispositions, so I don't agree that Joby is just a loser, or that that being a lawyer makes that character a success when he still lives with his mother. The time that Joby spends with Ellen had me close to tears. I felt it was depicted perfectly. Both characters are unsure of each other and what is expected during this time, so the hesitance in conversation is natural. Being the adult puts responsibility on Joby for which he is entirely unprepared. The crucial moment is the brief time during which he thinks Ellen has disappeared. Paul Dano's acting here is perfect and he conveys the full weight of a parent's horror in this situation so convincingly that I could feel the dread in the pit of my stomach. It is that which causes him to behave as he does at the end. That moment tells him how he would feel if he lost his daughter forever, and that is why I think he is going to change his life in order to be a parent to her. Living with that loss is something he can't face, as every loving parent knows. I completely understand how this film might seem too long or boring; for me, the time before he meets Ellen just sets us up to know how massive a change he undergoes, and that's why I rate For Ellen quite highly. People don't change unless something enormous happens to cause them to do so, and contemplating the loss of his child is enough impetus to halt and reverse his decline, abandoning property and a girlfriend that mean nothing compared to the importance of his daughter in his life.
