Review of The Triangle

The Triangle (2016)
Hipsters mucking about in the desert.
10 August 2020
Warning: Spoilers
For a while there I thought this was going to be a sort of "The Attack of the Killer Hipsters" kind of deal, and was looking forward to seeing hipsters drop their alleged pacifism and let it all hang as they "defend the honour" of their moronic desert cult! (I know better than anyone how angry hipsters can get when their sacred eggs are being questioned: I've often exposed hipster illogic then witnessed the resulting chaos.)

However, the film takes a whole new direction. But until that happens, the premise is MUCH more suitable for a spoof. Hipsters in the desert, blathering about "higher goals"? That comedic script would write itself.

As it is, the film doesn't become a peaceful-cult-turns-violent cliche but takes an unexpected and original turn toward some kind of a long-term alien conspiracy. But before you shake your head assuming that it's the same-old BS, you need to know that the back story is unusual and totally unpredictable: a segment of the commune are so-called "dreamers" who've all shared the same dream since childhood, and in which a T-Rex head (!) plays a key role, a head they find in a nearby cave. So in a sense there are echoes of Arthur Clarke's "Childhood's End" - which is a polite way of saying they ripped it off. It's a terrific book that most probably inspired the concept, in some small way at least.

The film's ending, however, isn't as effective as the film-makers had hoped. The problem being that we'd already seen footage of one member going into the cave in full zombie mode, which meant that the final scene was merely a replay of that, except this time with all of the dreamers disappearing into the cave. That there is no full explanation given is OK. However, not giving any hints at least, little clues, is a cop-out. It means the writer had no clue how to rationalize this. He had no clue what he'd written, basically.

TT is about a documentary crew summoned by their feather-wearing hipster friend to film a hipster/hippy commune he'd joined several years back, in order to help investigate a strange phenomenon. Yes, hipsters are modern-day hippies in many ways, which is what the movie is fairly accurate in suggesting (unless the film is actually glorifying these buffoons!), and they too - just like the hypocritical hippies before them - might outgrow their adolescent, idealistic confusion and eventually become money-grabbing yuppies who reneged on the Red Revolution.

There is some great stuff coming out of the hipsters. For example, the goofball who thinks the cabbages (or whatever it was) are schizophrenic in how they grow, "explaining" how this is a direct result of global warming. (Never mind the fact he's trying to grow stuff in a desert, hence should be thankful it's growing at all.) He says the plants are "in a state of limbo" which is hilarious. Manbearpig couldn't have said it any better i.e. dumber.

There are other amusing hipster interviews, like the one with the woman that stops the interview because "the vibe" is all wrong or whatever; apparently, the clouds or the stars didn't align just right for her to share her stupid opinions about life, Earth and the cosmos. That was pretty spot-on, because such putzy people really do exist. But again: it's hard to tell if the writer is spoofing these people or glorifying them.

Can we have just ONE movie or documentary these days that DOESN'T mention and propagate global warming? It seems that whichever recent movie or documentary I watch - whatever the subject - the film-makers manage to squeeze in some idiotic save-the-Earth propaganda malarkey. Once left-wingers take hold of a lie they pummel it into your heads without mercy, like a broken but also deranged record player. They're the masters of propaganda. And crap: that's their biggest specialty.

Hipsters love "symbolism" so much. There's a scene of sheep going meh-meh-meh - in a film about a silly hipster cult. How's that for symbolism?

There is some unrealistic nonsense though too. Hipsters being camera-shy and trying to avoid attention is pretty ludicrous. As we all know, especially scholars of hipsterism such I, hipsters are self-infatuated brats, always clamouring for attention, fantasizing about fame, deluding themselves about their intellectual and artistic proclivities, seeking to become objects of worship. So no: hipster recluses who don't want to partake in a documentary that might actually celebrate hipsterism: utterly absurd.

Likewise, the fact that they'd been "chosen" by the aliens should make them feel pretty special, considering that they'd been raised their whole lives with the false belief that they indeed are unique, a God's gift to the world. They should have been rushing to that cave, chanting random nonsense.

Which brings us to the question of WHY aliens would choose a bunch of Burning Man (or Burning Wussy or Burning Moron) dimwits: no explanation for that mystery either. The writer doesn't have a clue, so how can we expect to know?

Another thing that makes little sense and which proved to be annoying is all these blurry scenes. If this is a bloody professional documentary crew then why the hell are they so incompetent? It makes no sense for a mockumentary to look blurrier than a typical found-in-sewage horror film. The Lars-Trier/Bergman school of "realism" is a bleb on the bum of cinema.
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