the_glorious_sob Review of Ghost Shark

Ghost Shark (2013 TV Movie)

As seen on UniMas, this film's fate is deserving when compared to "Sharknado."

[2/10 · 12 May 2014]

I came across this film while watching UniMás, a Spanish-language channel available over the airwaves. This B-movie followed the "A-movie" "Mission Impossible III"; I cannot tell if the network aired that in memory of Philip Seymour Hoffman given that he died months ago. But I could tell I was looking at some hideous piece of work (if not a piece of something else) as there were no promos leading up to it & no, um, "banner spots" (or what I'd call "'Ghost Shark' will be right back after these messages.") Already the storyline was looking ludicrous as in the cold open, the living shark gets killed in a medieval way w/ a harpoon, a gun, & even a grenade. Yet it swims to some cave & now its fluorescent blue ghost version kills its aggressors (& of course the raucous rampage doesn't stop from there). Notice that the movie presents the cast in alphabetical order, which I'd assume is because "Ghost Shark" has no "stars." & to me, the only 2 recognizable actors were Richard Moll (whose goofball role of Bull Shannon in "Night Court" now looks more dignified), & Mackenzie Rosman of "7th Heaven." Keep in mind she was just a kid alongside the stunning Jessica Biel. But Rosman certainly matured into quite the lady herself in Maxim Magazine. But I can't help but think that's how she got the major role in "Ghost Shark" while Biel was in better films, or just merely married Justin Timberlake. If you watch enough monster films, you'd recognize the tropes, which means trends, such as the large cast (including many girls in bikinis) whose minimal purpose is to be a visual feast for the eyes & then an actual feast for the eponymous monster. There's also the usual stock characters such as the determined teens set to stop the monster conflicting against the skeptical sheriff & his equally obstructive bureaucrat fellow (or foe). Before I end, I must point out a scene where one person dies as the ghost shark splits him into left & right halves. The witnesses should have looked either shocked or prone to vomit at such graphic gore but only appeared, um, miffed, like a newscaster reporting about the latest homicide. That's what I call "dull surprise," something I learned from "Mystery Science Theater 3000," which has helped my tolerance for bad cinema. In conclusion, "Ghost Shark" tried to imitate the hype of Syfy's "Sharknado." But instead, such imitation proved to be offensively repetitive to its audience. That's probably why a movie that was on Syfy just last year reappeared in UniMás on May 2014. "Sharknado" was trashy but cool. "Ghost Shark" is just trash.