The Watermen (2012)
3/10
Texas chainsaw at sea
16 March 2013
Warning: Spoilers
like another reviewer, I thought the film was something like GHOSTSHIP, due to the DVD cover, I was thinking along the lines of THE FOG, something supernatural. But no, this is a slasher film in the mode of Texas CHAINSAW MASSACRE. The band of beautiful young things embark on the obnoxious millionaire tylers yacht for a spot of sea fishing.

while fuelling up at the watermens bait shop, one of the misfit captain birdseyes is found coming out of the engine room, saying hes just checking things over for them... yeah right! They buy some dodgy looking bait, which we already know is flesh of former babes and dudes, and off they go with the blatantly treacherous captain, we know this because he speaks in reverential terms about the men of that island.

surprise surprise the boat blows a gasket and the water is all gone, when babe is in the shower. the trawler comes to the rescue and a small water barrel is hooked over, the grateful kids drink it and almost immediately keel over drugged.. We see nothing of the captain, and this is a lesson to all spoilt millionaires, learn to captain your boat you over privileged twerp.

As it happens the dislikable millionaire is the first to be butchered into crab bait (they like the pink flesh we are told later on in the film, by the unintelligible mumbling sou wester wearing morons whose accent could be deep south or new englandly) The babes have all been raped while drugged and interfered with, there might have even been a suggestion that a dude was raped too, a lot of the shots were out of focus, portraying the hazy drugged states.

These watermen were the foulest creatures, almost inhuman, and you wanted to see them suffer for the atrocities they'd committed. At one point, five of the six were free albeit bit groggy, but they kept making stupid decisions, and of course the agonizing scenes when one of them, a girl gets a good bash on one of them, but rather than make sure that monster stays down, runs away and so lets monster get up and chase her again...

When they did manage to kill one its almost by accident.. really infuriating, do they not realise the gravity of their situation? despite witnessing the gruesome deaths of their buddies... much of the time, they run around defenceless, despite their being an abundance of killer tools lying around... No this film annoyed me for that reason... heres a tip.. engage subtitles, because we didn't have a clue what the watermen were muttering.
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