Review of Coffin

Coffin (2011)
3/10
This movie is terrible!
16 November 2011
The plot: A psychopath puts Kevin Sorbo and his mistress in a coffin. They only have 70 minutes of air, and time is running out. In the meantime, the mistress's husband races to save them, though he's not entirely sure that he wants to.

Let's just get to the chase here: this is a limp Saw clone. Nothing I say will dissuade hardcore Kevin Sorbo or Saw fans from watching this, of course, but I feel that it's my duty to warn everyone else who's on the fence. Normally, low budget movies with poor acting don't bother me much (I'm a Troma fan), but this was laughably bad! The antagonist was so non-threatening, it was like he was played by Stephen Fry. He tried his best to be "a total pro", but it came across as being pathetic. I could see shades of Jigsaw and Heath Ledger's Joker, but it was like one of your hammy friends doing his best impression (which isn't very good), rather than a professional actor. The rest of the acting was pretty standard for a B movie, though Bruce Davison obviously stands out as a talented actor. Kevin Sorbo isn't bad, but his role is somewhat limited, being that he's trapped in the titular coffin. The directors turn up as cops investigating the case. Surprisingly, they're pretty decent actors. Can't really think of anything nice to say about their writing or directing, though.

I've seen worse, but this is still memorably bad.

If they'd cast a better actor for the antagonist, this might creep up to a 5/10, which isn't really all that much better, but he really ruins this movie. There isn't much violence, gore, nudity, or even profanity in this movie, which makes it perhaps the most curiously inhibited Saw clone that I've ever seen. Perhaps it was meant to be more of a generic thriller, then took on aspects of Saw? Who knows. Who cares. It's a bad movie, and I'm not going to sit here thinking about it.
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