Although I'll always be grateful to Mick Garris for creating the overall awesome "Masters of Horror" franchise, I can't help thinking his two directorial contributions to the series rank amongst the least memorable ones. Moreover, both the first season's episode "Chocolate" and this "Valerie on the Stairs" make the exact same mistakes. The story is definitely ambitious but the build up is far too slow and hence the mini-movie lacks a whole lot of spectacle. Also, the script is a little too implausible and immature to take serious. This certainly isn't the first story about fictional horror novel characters coming to life and committing atrocities ("I, Madman", "Death by Dialogue", "In the Mouth of Madness") but I actually like none of them. These sort of movies always begin atmospherically, with ghostly apparitions and hallucinations, but the scripts gradually become so preposterous and absurd. The only thing I really like about "Valerie on the Stairs" is the setting. The short movie takes place in a home for unpublished authors. Do those really exist? What a depressing place to live that must be! The young but unsuccessful novelist Rob Hanisey is initially very glad when there's a vacancy, as this provides him with a little more financial breathing space, but pretty soon he gets a lot more than he bargained for. Almost promptly after his arrival, Rob has visions of a beautiful naked girl on the stairs calling for help, but naturally we're led to believe it's all in his imagination. The other residents, including the awesome Christopher Lloyd and the MILF personified Suki Kaiser, in particular pretend that Rob is a bona fide loser, but they definitely know more about the mysterious wench on the stairs and her monstrous lover in the walls. "Valerie on the Stairs" is dull and derivative, with an overload of false scares and predictable red herrings. Flat direction from Mick Garris and unremarkable acting performances make this one of the most mediocre episodes of the entire franchise, alongside "The V-Word" and "The Damned Thing".
Review of Valerie on the Stairs
